Skip to main content


Why do people who have little or no constraints, fill their days, weeks and months with chores they neither have to, nor want to do? Why is it that they seem to find ways to turn every bad thing for others into a burden for them. It's amazing to me, when I read, see or hear people's complaints. Even more so when they don't realize I've heard them. Freedom comes in many varieties, but the freedom to choose being misery over happiness has always amazed me. I can't remember a day where there wasn't at least one person who didn't choose to do something that irritated them, for no other reason than to be able to complain about it. Is that living?

I've been in a bad situation for most of the past decade and despite my complaining about sleep and occasionally about my pain, most people think my one gripe is with other people's opinions. It's actually quite the opposite, I love hearing other's opinions, but I merely ask they be able to explain them. Most people can't, because they are bound by ignorance. They've chose a stance, based only on what they've heard others say and while they choose not to research things themselves, briefly believing they've gained some time for themselves, they actually spend more time defending, proactively their decision to stay, well stupid.

The people above are the majority, but imagine shutting out friends or only seeing them at parties or events, because you've created this false world, where you're needed somewhere. Imagine if every second spent in this locked up location, was merely to satisfy some pretend job you had? Feigning illness, injury and mental trauma every time you're asked to do something social, because you were too proud to listen to those who cared, but now find solace in the arms, both physically and figuratively of someone who doesn't know or understand your situation, because they came along so far after, they know nothing of your selfish behavior. But then, imagine your behavior grew with everyone who has known you for years, but you shield this child and nurture him, so he never sees the true you? Imagine that cage and the walls closing in, because you've created a persona that is a lie. I can't imagine how suffocating that must me.


Popular posts from this blog

11 Rules of Life - Bill Gates?

I read this on Facebook this morning.  A friend had posted it and said that every child should have to receive this. I of course read it and started to think.  I immediately wondered who really wrote this, as I rarely see things like this attributed to the proper person.  I immediately found it was written by Conservative Charles J. Sykes when he wrote a book about how America is dumbing down our youth.  I read it twice and started to wonder how true it was.  Below is a link to the actual picture I saw.

So let's look at each of the rules and analyze them.

Rule 1: Life is not fair — get used to it! - Life is not fair in that we are not all afforded the same opportunities based on race, creed, color, socio-economic background, but in general, those who are afforded the same opportunities to succeed are very often rewarded for their individual efforts.  Sure there may be underlying circumstances, but hard work is proven to pay more often than not and those who strive for success, migh…

Out Of Options

Two winters ago, I was in a bad place. Physically, financially, but especially emotionally. Life, which has rarely been anything I could view as fair, had really begun to weigh me down. I was living in a motel room, paid for by my brother while awaiting a move to another state. A little late research revealed my soon-to-be new home was a bit of a nightmare. Think of Melrose Place with meth and hookers. The idea of flying halfway across the country with my cat, Swag, and less than $200 in my pocket was scary. Leaving everything I knew wasn't what scared me, it was knowing deep in my heart, I'd never return. 
It's always easy to put off keeping up with people when you're close, but as I've learned over the last four years, distance tests friendships, even those we view as true. One can't imagine the alienation of being broke, physically unable to walk, and having to rely on a motel staff's daily pleasantries to remind yourself you're alive. At times I que…

In Memoriam

For Shane

Yesterday, I sat in the library, thinking of you. As I pored over vegan recipes, tales of medieval monks, and descriptive biography of Yasujiro Ozu, I thought about you more. Who else could I call and discuss all three? Who else would be able to add insight to my last meal, movie, and chapter? I was tempted to walk, arrive work sweaty, but feeling accomplished, but a bump in the rode arose and I found myself driving. You'd have scoffed, claimed I took the easy way or accused me of always avoiding the circuitous route, in favor of ease. I'd agree, then buy you a beer.

Last night, I thought about us twenty-five years ago, maybe more. Rows of six dimes stacked on the bar. Cold Schaefer puckering our lips. Commenting on the old-timers, of which I am now one. You're not here to share those moments, that repartee or the serious moments we often shared. With every meal, movie and mountain life throws at me, I miss you more. There were years where we only spoke once. Thi…