This was originally about seven long paragraphs. I've reduced it by taking out every example and the feeling they give me. It is now three.
Observationist may or may not be a real thing. According to a little red line, it's not even a word. I'm fairly certain it is a word but have no real desire to confirm. I would think there are people who are paid to do such things, but this is not anything I could see being healthy. Being observant, at times, feels like a mental illness. The funny thing about this affliction is that I do not consider myself one who spends much time on attention to details in my own life. I do not care if the covers are made, the soap is centered on the soap dish, or if the car is parked evenly between two lines. I simply don't think about it when it comes to myself. That being said, when it comes to others, I am painfully aware.
I notice people's trends, especially when they are beneficial or hurtful in some way to me. I notice patterns in their behavior, especially around or when speaking (or writing) about others. I am keenly aware of the words they use, especially when they are not their own, or even worse, quite opposite of who they are or how they feel. Integrity, Karma, Kind, Love, Respect. These five words are the four most over and misused words among people I know or come in contact with. With the exception of Love, the others are easily quantified. Very few people have integrity, are truly kind, and show respect. Very few people use the word Karma right, with most believing it is some type of cosmic revenge. Love is more difficult to acknowledge as real because to be honest, we all use it so often, it has become an interchangeable expression. I love hummus, but not nearly as much as I love my niece and nephew, yet I say it with much more conviction when speaking about the prior. Is it because the latter is expected and emphasis is not needed? I do not know.
I have become burdened by what I observe. Whether it be laziness, uncleanliness, selfishness, frivolity in serious times, lack of accountability and responsibility, simple and complex disrespect, hate, narcissism, self-pity, a false sense of entitlement or self-worth, cheapness, bragging, and especially ignorance. Lack of education is one thing, but ignorance, the kind that is accepted, even embraced, is beyond my comprehension. Am I mad at the world or am I seeing things in others that reflect the things I hate about myself? I'd sincerely like to believe my observations, those that create a visceral reaction, are a combination of both. If this were not true, then my vision of the world is as bad as I imagine it to be or my perceived version of myself is false. Both would hurt. I would like to believe people aren't as bad as I believe and I would like to believe I am as good as I believe. To be honest, I'd like to believe I'm wrong on both and people and myself are better. My observations tell me otherwise and this is the struggle that is difficult to explain and difficult to endure.
Breathe and look away?
Observationist may or may not be a real thing. According to a little red line, it's not even a word. I'm fairly certain it is a word but have no real desire to confirm. I would think there are people who are paid to do such things, but this is not anything I could see being healthy. Being observant, at times, feels like a mental illness. The funny thing about this affliction is that I do not consider myself one who spends much time on attention to details in my own life. I do not care if the covers are made, the soap is centered on the soap dish, or if the car is parked evenly between two lines. I simply don't think about it when it comes to myself. That being said, when it comes to others, I am painfully aware.
I notice people's trends, especially when they are beneficial or hurtful in some way to me. I notice patterns in their behavior, especially around or when speaking (or writing) about others. I am keenly aware of the words they use, especially when they are not their own, or even worse, quite opposite of who they are or how they feel. Integrity, Karma, Kind, Love, Respect. These five words are the four most over and misused words among people I know or come in contact with. With the exception of Love, the others are easily quantified. Very few people have integrity, are truly kind, and show respect. Very few people use the word Karma right, with most believing it is some type of cosmic revenge. Love is more difficult to acknowledge as real because to be honest, we all use it so often, it has become an interchangeable expression. I love hummus, but not nearly as much as I love my niece and nephew, yet I say it with much more conviction when speaking about the prior. Is it because the latter is expected and emphasis is not needed? I do not know.
I have become burdened by what I observe. Whether it be laziness, uncleanliness, selfishness, frivolity in serious times, lack of accountability and responsibility, simple and complex disrespect, hate, narcissism, self-pity, a false sense of entitlement or self-worth, cheapness, bragging, and especially ignorance. Lack of education is one thing, but ignorance, the kind that is accepted, even embraced, is beyond my comprehension. Am I mad at the world or am I seeing things in others that reflect the things I hate about myself? I'd sincerely like to believe my observations, those that create a visceral reaction, are a combination of both. If this were not true, then my vision of the world is as bad as I imagine it to be or my perceived version of myself is false. Both would hurt. I would like to believe people aren't as bad as I believe and I would like to believe I am as good as I believe. To be honest, I'd like to believe I'm wrong on both and people and myself are better. My observations tell me otherwise and this is the struggle that is difficult to explain and difficult to endure.
Breathe and look away?
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