We all hold grudges and we all understand that the person holding the grudge suffers far greater than the person the grudge is held against. It's an inner fire that is always lit, often being stoked by the sight or mention of those we hold a grudge. It's a painful and debilitating way to live and for those of us who harbor long-lasting grudges, it takes a toll just as any sickness or injury may.
Most grudges end friendships or relationships and thus, the burden of carrying them is not one that we're brought to face very often. The problem is when one must face that person every day. Grudges can turn to hatred, even malice, and problems arise when we let these feelings become stronger. Holding a grudge means we're living in the past, which in most cases, limits our ability to progress. Letting go is never easy, and I'm not about to preach any methods or systems of thought that make it easier, because I'm in the dark on this one. So much of my life revolves around grudges, and of course, in my mind, the ones I hold are substantial and those held against me are petty. I'm too level-headed to even believe my own views on these and know that in some instances I am wrong, not only to hold the grudge, but that I deserve one to be held against me.
Recently, I have been promised to have a grudge held against me and I've, internally, decided to hold a grudge against others. I've been reminded of old grudges held against me recently, some spanning back years, from people I rarely, if ever, think of. Some people I come in contact with seem to hold grudges for only a few days, not because they are mentally strong enough to let them go, but they simply wait for the next one to come along, seemingly disinterested in the previous one, because this new one is fresh. Drama is a word often used by those who hold petty grudges, but as I've written before, and sincerely believe that drama is simply one's reaction to a stimulus, and those blamed for creating it have very little to do with it.
I wish I was strong enough to heed my own advice and work my brain in the way I know it's programmed to work. I wish I could cease to hold grudges, both the petty ones and those which have festered for many years. I don't know that I can, because I so often feel as if others build on these grudges, creating not newer grudges, but more difficult to resolve, let go of. I also feel as if the grudges being held against me are simply those people's reaction to criticism, which truly was meant to be constructive. Then again, as the person giving the criticism, not receiving it, I also know that constructive words take on a different light based on which direction they are coming. I'm trying to process it all, but know that it may not even be worth my time. My real fear is that those I hold no ill will towards will choose the side of those who have chosen to hold grudges against me, leaving me on this metaphorical island. So far it seems this way and I blame immaturity, but is it theirs?
Most grudges end friendships or relationships and thus, the burden of carrying them is not one that we're brought to face very often. The problem is when one must face that person every day. Grudges can turn to hatred, even malice, and problems arise when we let these feelings become stronger. Holding a grudge means we're living in the past, which in most cases, limits our ability to progress. Letting go is never easy, and I'm not about to preach any methods or systems of thought that make it easier, because I'm in the dark on this one. So much of my life revolves around grudges, and of course, in my mind, the ones I hold are substantial and those held against me are petty. I'm too level-headed to even believe my own views on these and know that in some instances I am wrong, not only to hold the grudge, but that I deserve one to be held against me.
Recently, I have been promised to have a grudge held against me and I've, internally, decided to hold a grudge against others. I've been reminded of old grudges held against me recently, some spanning back years, from people I rarely, if ever, think of. Some people I come in contact with seem to hold grudges for only a few days, not because they are mentally strong enough to let them go, but they simply wait for the next one to come along, seemingly disinterested in the previous one, because this new one is fresh. Drama is a word often used by those who hold petty grudges, but as I've written before, and sincerely believe that drama is simply one's reaction to a stimulus, and those blamed for creating it have very little to do with it.
I wish I was strong enough to heed my own advice and work my brain in the way I know it's programmed to work. I wish I could cease to hold grudges, both the petty ones and those which have festered for many years. I don't know that I can, because I so often feel as if others build on these grudges, creating not newer grudges, but more difficult to resolve, let go of. I also feel as if the grudges being held against me are simply those people's reaction to criticism, which truly was meant to be constructive. Then again, as the person giving the criticism, not receiving it, I also know that constructive words take on a different light based on which direction they are coming. I'm trying to process it all, but know that it may not even be worth my time. My real fear is that those I hold no ill will towards will choose the side of those who have chosen to hold grudges against me, leaving me on this metaphorical island. So far it seems this way and I blame immaturity, but is it theirs?
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