"The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism." - Norman Vincent Peale
Since the advent of Facebook, the concept of self-love has become blurred. Every one of us has a value and this value isn't based on how we view ourselves, but how our selves create a better life for those around us, thus, in turn, creating a better life for ourselves. For well-adjusted people, self-worth comes from the respect, adulation, and acknowledgment we garner from others, while never compromising our values. As time goes on, we no longer need these things from others, because we've created a world in which this is the norm. This is not to say these things do not continue or that we don't appreciate them, but we become accustomed to doing those things which bring others, and ourselves, joy and contentment. Those around us also become accustomed to our behaviors. It's important to realize, we can not love another until we love ourselves, so this reciprocal concept is an important part of who we are and how successful we can be, in every facet of life. This is where the blurred lines have truly impacted not only individuals, but society as a whole.
When the main source of praise one receives is from one's self, others begin to loathe them. It's fine to acknowledge one's own hard work and success, but to do so openly and on a regular basis usually implies an exaggeration, if not a lie. If one begins to lie to one's self, how can they love themselves? If they can't love themselves, how can they love others, which can lead to a lack of love from others? Self- confidence and consciousness are wonderful traits, but like most things in life, they are earned, not simply claimed. One look no further than our current president, who despite having multiple successes, has an inability to accept his failures. This created a man whose biggest fan and supporter is himself. To view this behavior of incessant pats on his own back is oddly uncomfortable, even for those who support him. So if someone as powerful as he is embarrassing to listen to, think about how one of us sounds.
I recently learned that people in different cultures view praise differently and while confidence, esteem, and self-love may be present, they'd never once consider laying claim to such traits. They are humble, often deflecting praise and giving to others, which, again, creates this wonderful reciprocity and a feeling of community, even if only shared by two. To receive praise, even if warranted, for simply doing what is expected of you, should feel odd. To listen to one praise themselves, each and every day, with the highest of praise, is not self-love, not even self-esteem, it's either extreme narcissism or a mask, worn by someone who is actually low in self-esteem, confidence, and often, lacks the ability to love themselves, which in turn, shuts others out, even those who want to love them. These people will often tell tales of how others hurt them, deserted them, or didn't live up to their standards, all the while, realizing fully or not at all, they are projecting their own insecurities, failures, and faults onto others. When this becomes a daily habit, certain behaviors or tells are exhibited. Often, people will look away, fidget, or giggle, when telling a story about their achievements and these actions are so deliberate, so obvious, one realizes, even they do not believe their own words.
The way the American culture works, we're almost expected to brag about our achievements and demean others for their failures, because we are so shallow in the way we measure success. Joy, health, and strong friendships are the definition of success in many cultures, but in ours, money, title, assets, and public praise is revered. It is not to say that these things, when earned, don't hold some value, it's just not that important. When one must compensate for the lack of what society says is a success with endless self-praise, it is a sign of inferiority, not in their value as a human, but in their love of themselves. If one needs praise, wherever it may come from, chances are, they receive no joy from the act which they perform. When this carries over into relationships, whether romantic or friendships, it eats away at them. When it becomes part of a person's character, it eats away at their core.
Since the advent of Facebook, the concept of self-love has become blurred. Every one of us has a value and this value isn't based on how we view ourselves, but how our selves create a better life for those around us, thus, in turn, creating a better life for ourselves. For well-adjusted people, self-worth comes from the respect, adulation, and acknowledgment we garner from others, while never compromising our values. As time goes on, we no longer need these things from others, because we've created a world in which this is the norm. This is not to say these things do not continue or that we don't appreciate them, but we become accustomed to doing those things which bring others, and ourselves, joy and contentment. Those around us also become accustomed to our behaviors. It's important to realize, we can not love another until we love ourselves, so this reciprocal concept is an important part of who we are and how successful we can be, in every facet of life. This is where the blurred lines have truly impacted not only individuals, but society as a whole.
When the main source of praise one receives is from one's self, others begin to loathe them. It's fine to acknowledge one's own hard work and success, but to do so openly and on a regular basis usually implies an exaggeration, if not a lie. If one begins to lie to one's self, how can they love themselves? If they can't love themselves, how can they love others, which can lead to a lack of love from others? Self- confidence and consciousness are wonderful traits, but like most things in life, they are earned, not simply claimed. One look no further than our current president, who despite having multiple successes, has an inability to accept his failures. This created a man whose biggest fan and supporter is himself. To view this behavior of incessant pats on his own back is oddly uncomfortable, even for those who support him. So if someone as powerful as he is embarrassing to listen to, think about how one of us sounds.
I recently learned that people in different cultures view praise differently and while confidence, esteem, and self-love may be present, they'd never once consider laying claim to such traits. They are humble, often deflecting praise and giving to others, which, again, creates this wonderful reciprocity and a feeling of community, even if only shared by two. To receive praise, even if warranted, for simply doing what is expected of you, should feel odd. To listen to one praise themselves, each and every day, with the highest of praise, is not self-love, not even self-esteem, it's either extreme narcissism or a mask, worn by someone who is actually low in self-esteem, confidence, and often, lacks the ability to love themselves, which in turn, shuts others out, even those who want to love them. These people will often tell tales of how others hurt them, deserted them, or didn't live up to their standards, all the while, realizing fully or not at all, they are projecting their own insecurities, failures, and faults onto others. When this becomes a daily habit, certain behaviors or tells are exhibited. Often, people will look away, fidget, or giggle, when telling a story about their achievements and these actions are so deliberate, so obvious, one realizes, even they do not believe their own words.
The way the American culture works, we're almost expected to brag about our achievements and demean others for their failures, because we are so shallow in the way we measure success. Joy, health, and strong friendships are the definition of success in many cultures, but in ours, money, title, assets, and public praise is revered. It is not to say that these things, when earned, don't hold some value, it's just not that important. When one must compensate for the lack of what society says is a success with endless self-praise, it is a sign of inferiority, not in their value as a human, but in their love of themselves. If one needs praise, wherever it may come from, chances are, they receive no joy from the act which they perform. When this carries over into relationships, whether romantic or friendships, it eats away at them. When it becomes part of a person's character, it eats away at their core.
Comments
Post a Comment