Yesterday I made my venture to Ithaca via bus. Starting in White Plains, we made our stops until we reached the destination of our transfer. While waiting for second bus to arrive I noticed and incredible amount of young people. The second bus was going to Binghampton and Ithaca, so it made sense. I sipped my iced tea and noticed a girl, like me, standing with one bag at her feet and one draped over her shoulder. She was short, about 5'1, with long brown hair. She was wearing a purple shirt, jean shorts and short black boots. She had the most perfect athletic legs, but due to her petite frame, they looked with some movements, almost muscular. I noticed she had fair skin and wore no makeup to speak of. She was the typical girl I would have gone crazy for in high school or college.
As we boarded the bus, she took the very first seat on the right. The bus looked packed, but I started to make my way to the rear. Apparently, many of those previously on it, had fallen asleep and were taking up most of the seats. A few of us retreated to the front and I took the first available seat in my return. For a split second I regretted not taking the empty seat next to her, but I figured, it's better not to appear like the creepy old guy. When they bus stopped in Binghampton, most of the riders exited. The person next to me left, and I took her seat, closer to the window. The girl in the front had her neighbor leave as well, quickly scooting into the aisle.
On the first leg of the trip, she sat still as can be, texting away while listening to her iPod. She barely moved, almost playing possum, as not to make any inadvertent movements that may have attracted the Chatty Cathy sitting to her right. On the second, she was directly in front of some Plexiglas that shielded the driver. Occasionally, I'd look up from the games I was playing on my phone and glance over. Every time, she was clawing away at her eyebrows or picking at some invisible blemish. She was fixing her hair. Her face never seeming to show any emotion other than annoyance.
This went on and on, with her frustration mounting. I was confounded by the situation. Here was this attractive young woman, on her way to college during what some may call, the best years of her life, acting like her own reflection was a trigger for feelings of disdain and anger. A younger me might have done something. A younger me, would have been sitting next to her, stealing glances when she was unaware. The older me was helpless. Too old to have any of my actions taken with sincerity, due to societies ills and how age differences are perceived. I did not lust after this girl. I did not have any thoughts that could be deemed impure or inappropriate. I just wanted to grab her hands, look her in the eye and tell her, "STOP! You are beautiful!"
I'll never see her again and I'll never know why she was feeling the thoughts and insecurities she was. I just wish I had reassured her, it wasn't her. If for any reason she felt inadequate, it was others shortcomings, not hers. I hope her problems are merely due to age and social factors and that they never reach levels exceeding this. I don't know her, but I wish her happiness in her life. I wish nothing more for her to look in the mirror one day and see what I saw. Maybe I should have done something to insure that, but I didn't.
As we boarded the bus, she took the very first seat on the right. The bus looked packed, but I started to make my way to the rear. Apparently, many of those previously on it, had fallen asleep and were taking up most of the seats. A few of us retreated to the front and I took the first available seat in my return. For a split second I regretted not taking the empty seat next to her, but I figured, it's better not to appear like the creepy old guy. When they bus stopped in Binghampton, most of the riders exited. The person next to me left, and I took her seat, closer to the window. The girl in the front had her neighbor leave as well, quickly scooting into the aisle.
On the first leg of the trip, she sat still as can be, texting away while listening to her iPod. She barely moved, almost playing possum, as not to make any inadvertent movements that may have attracted the Chatty Cathy sitting to her right. On the second, she was directly in front of some Plexiglas that shielded the driver. Occasionally, I'd look up from the games I was playing on my phone and glance over. Every time, she was clawing away at her eyebrows or picking at some invisible blemish. She was fixing her hair. Her face never seeming to show any emotion other than annoyance.
This went on and on, with her frustration mounting. I was confounded by the situation. Here was this attractive young woman, on her way to college during what some may call, the best years of her life, acting like her own reflection was a trigger for feelings of disdain and anger. A younger me might have done something. A younger me, would have been sitting next to her, stealing glances when she was unaware. The older me was helpless. Too old to have any of my actions taken with sincerity, due to societies ills and how age differences are perceived. I did not lust after this girl. I did not have any thoughts that could be deemed impure or inappropriate. I just wanted to grab her hands, look her in the eye and tell her, "STOP! You are beautiful!"
I'll never see her again and I'll never know why she was feeling the thoughts and insecurities she was. I just wish I had reassured her, it wasn't her. If for any reason she felt inadequate, it was others shortcomings, not hers. I hope her problems are merely due to age and social factors and that they never reach levels exceeding this. I don't know her, but I wish her happiness in her life. I wish nothing more for her to look in the mirror one day and see what I saw. Maybe I should have done something to insure that, but I didn't.
That is one of the sweetest things I've ever read - such wonderful wishes for this beautiful stranger. I'm sure everything will work out for her. I had similar issues with how I looked when I was her age. Now I look in the mirror and smile broadly at the woman staring back at me. I wish the same for her as well.
ReplyDeleteMaybe all this good karma we're sending will reach her somehow. Hope so!