Hop's Thoughts

Me: Tell me something to make me happy? ?: I have nothing to say, I didn't do much today. Me: Well tell me you miss me. ?: How can I miss you, we've talked every day for the last few days. Me: Well we haven't seen each other in a while. ?: (silence) A little while later ?: Well I should go and try and get some sleep. Me: OK, but first say something nice to make me happy. ?: I miss you. Me: No you don't.  You said before, How can I miss you we talked every day. ?: OK, Fuck You, goodnight. Me: (silence)

I hate routine.  Routine is what ruins a happy life.  Routine makes us fear the unknown.  Routine makes life a monotonous cycle from which we can not escape. Routine also makes some comfortable. It takes away surprises and allows one to manage their day.  Routine allows some to divide their day into little parts and masks inefficiency with the appearance of productivity.  What routine does is fuck with the key part of life - adaptation. When I was working at my last job, sometimes I would go to sleep at 2am, sometimes at 5am.  Either way, I had to be up at 7:40am.  I would jump out of bed, wash my face and brush my teeth and run out the door.  I would get to work at about 7:57 every day and I would generally leave the same time every day.  Some days later, some days earlier.  These slight changes made life a little less monotonous. My father is retired and while visiting he and my grandmother a few weeks ago, I noticed the thing that gets me the most.  Routine. Every morning at the

OK, So another shitty list.  Nobody likes lists anymore and nobody likes blogs anymore, but I don't care. I need to put shit down in words.  I need a record, so when the government comes after me, they know where I'm at.  Alone and not dangerous.  I'm not OCD or anything, but there are certain things I'm craving now. Twitter - I can actually do without Facebook, but I get so many news sources and first run news, I need it.  I crave it.  I make a fool of myself on it, but that's the real point, isn't it? Avocado and Tomato - rarely is there a day or two that go by without me indulging in a sandwich or salad comprised of these two bad boys.  Throw in some red onion and we're set. The Wire - I am so hooked on this show it's nuts.  Watched Season 1 in three days and Season 2 in two days.  Halfway Season 3 in one day and then took a little break to slow my roll and enjoy it a little. Two Friends - One I see every week and no matter my mood, he either

Every Olympics, we are treated to, in essence, what could be considered the longest red carpet ceremony ever.  The Parade of Nations is where every athlete comes into the Olympic stadium, behind their flag and waves to the crowd.  No matter what is going on in the world, we cheer.  We cheer humanity. When I look at countries like Uzbekistan, Cote D'Ivorie & Mali it dawns on me how alike we all are.  We're proud of where we're from.  We don't show our troubles and our needs, but our athletes stand proud for all the good that is in the world.  In our country and theirs. If all these athletes could sit down and talk, I think we'd be better off than when our elected officials do so.  I'm sure the guy who just smoked the one athlete from Cameroon in the 200 meter respects him more than anyone.  I'm sure they could come to a common ground on anything, based purely on respect. Why can't our leaders do what these athletes do for two weeks?  They train al

My lack of sleep has caused many ill affects, but probably the most troubling is my inability to dream.  I know I do, but I can't remember any of them.  Dreams are such an important part of my life.  They are rarely good, but in them I get to be with people I miss.  I used to always dream about my mother.  Especially during the holidays or important dates. This week is the anniversary of her death and there were none.  I also dream about someone who means a lot to me and honestly, while the dreams are erotic are at times, it's other moments that mean the most.  The dreams don't always end well, but the reality is, in life they didn't either. It's 5AM, I am starting to fade.  Who knows how many hours I'll get. I don't.  I just hope that my next blog is titled "the greatest dream."  Somehow I doubt it, but I'll try to remember. Who knows, maybe someone will come and spend some time.  Someone who in the real world can't.

When you stop to think about your life, what is it that makes things good or bad?  Think long and hard about the things that really matter.  They aren't moments that last for hours or even minutes sometimes.  For me at least, they are those moments that last for seconds.  They are those magical moments when nothing else matters.  Those moments we lose ourselves in a kind of euphoria that no drug or drink can bring us.  They make life worth living. We don't always have them, but they are the times we strive for, without even knowing they happened at times.  They keep us up when things are down. This week has been a rough week for me emotionally.  I had been having a good time in my life.  My spirits were high and then some things started to unravel.  My financial situation got progressively worse and future prospects seemed dim.  Then a fight with a good friend, which was 100% my fault occurred.  That coupled with some other minor hiccups in my life and things started to spira

As I hit here on a Sunday afternoon, coffee getting cold by my side, I think about reality. The definition has become skewed over the years.  We have something called Reality TV, which ironically is so far removed from reality, it's become lifelike cartoon characters.  What has happened to us?  We have movies with simulated violence, sex and every other function a human can do.  We've become numb to what reality really is.  I fear that this trend, is no longer a trend, but an irreversible sin that we can not come back from. This is not to mock any one's beliefs, but if one is to read the testaments, old or new, or the Quran, or whatever holy book, you will see much of the same, but back then, it was a given, that these were in many ways, metaphors the points we are making.  Sadly, today's world takes things as they see them and just as Sodom and Gomorrah, we live in a world of Transformers and Batman.  A world that is so unreal, we have lost reality on what is.  

I started this in July of 2002 and I've updated it once (July 2013), with two movies getting bounced out, so I'm back at it. As of right now, before even looking, Paddy Considine's Tyrannosaur is tied for 10th with The Secret In Their Eyes. Juan of the Dead is in 8th and Kick-Ass, yes really is in 8th and is the last movie I saw when updating the list. I should note that as much as I love Silver Linings Playbook, I just can't get myself to say it's better than Crazy Stupid Love, so it's getting left off, despite being incredible. I also apologize to the utterly brilliant and overlooked Juan of the Dead, which is by far the second best zombie film ever made (NOTLD is #1). 10. Stoker - Park's brilliant American debut, features the beautiful and strange Mia Wasikowska in a role that I thought would have her in every movie imaginable thereafter, but it doesn't seem that my love for this film has caught on. Nicole Kidman, who is usually quite bland is the e

Week 1: Basketball hits Ethan in the head and he starts to cry.  A few seconds later, I explain that it's his ball and he should start playing again. He then scores a basket about ten seconds later. Asher (1st):  See Ethan, me hitting you in the face made you better. Ethan (1st) stops, walks over and hugs Asher. Luke (K):  Hey, you missed class the last few weeks. Me: Well the class ended and we had three weeks between the first session and the second session. Luke:  Oh......you must have been sick.  We were here. Spencer: Mrs. Robinson, are we going now? Mrs. Robinson:  You can call me Tammy, Spencer. Me: Laughing Mrs. Robinson:  Ugh, with that name.  Even at my wedding I wouldn't let them play the song. Me: Ethan, please behave, you don't want what happened two years ago. Ethan (2nd):  What happened? Me:  Remember, I had to speak to someone on the phone for about an hour about your behavior? Ethan:  Nope! Doesn't ring a bell! Week 2 Me:  Darius

With the latest horrific shooting out in Aurora, Colorado we are faced with the argument on gun control.  It's no secret that gunshots are the number one cause of homicides and suicides in our country.  Imagine how many people would be alive today if they weren't so readily available.  Proponents have convinced themselves that they are safer with guns in the house, but the reality is, even accidental deaths by gunshots are on the rise.  It's a scary thing. Earlier today I got into arguments with obviously conservative yahoos who beat the patriotic drum on this issue and bring up the constitution.  They say it's in there so it's law.  Well laws were made to protect the people and the amendment, for those who don't know, was so we could defend our property from, quite simply, terrorists. Not the terrorist we know today, but those who might try and come back and defeat our land we fought so hard to secure. When we look at who argues for guns and who argues agai

Every town has it's ups and downs.  When I grew up in Brooklyn, our neighborhood was so close knit, there was never a want.  People hung out together in front or back of their homes. People cooked in their front yards and generously offered neighbors a taste at their ethnic cuisines.  Then I moved to Eastchester and was lucky enough to move to Garth Road.  A movie theatre, an ice cream shop, a 7-11, Chinese, Japanese, Irish restaurants.  Italian and German delis.  Fried chicken, wine, video and dessert shops.  It seemed to have everything we needed. Now, I'm on the south side and boy is it lacking. We have seven Italian restaurants, none of which are great.  We have three Chinese restaurants, only one of which is good.  We have about 15 places that serve pizza in a two mile radius.  It's arguable that any are great.  One is great, but the ambiance and other offerings are so poor, it's tough to stomach.  We have about five drug stores.  We have four places serving pub

Last week was my birthday.  A fun time.  A joyous time.  A few drinks and laughs with friends and a kiss from a beautiful girl.  Life was grand. For about five days. This morning I awoke and looked at an old blog I wrote in January about things that are making me happy and sad.  What I realize is, nothing has changed.  The good and bad in my life are exactly the same.  The things I longed for then, and before, are exactly the same.  I've tried to change so much, but the issues that plague me never let me.  Whether it's financial issues or friends, it never seems to change.  I have tried to be so many different things for so many different people over the past few years that I've failed myself.  I have been a rock for those who have needed me, but never receive that support in return.  I've been backstabbed over and over by those who claim to be a friend.  I've watched as people have cheated and lied on their husbands and wives and all the while tried to maintain t

Second blog in a few hours. I was actually starting to write a final blog, but got a little inspired by a movie.  So here's some things that have me confused in my life right now. In honor of Friday the 13th....Why do people think Jason Voorhees is so bad ass?  His mom did all the killing in the original movie.  He didn't pop out til before the closing credits. Why is it when you trust people with unimportant information they don't tell anyone, but when you tell them anything personal it's open to the public? Why would someone tell me I have two weeks to answer an e-mail and then call or write every day to ask where my response is?  Did they think my e-mail got lost? Why is it since smart phones, doesn't it seem like falling asleep, being busy or just not wanting to respond right away is an insult.  I fell victim to this last night and feel kinda stupid right now. When did loyalty become a bad thing?  I'm getting completely screwed by people doing some

Not since Winter's Bone has a movie gripped me to this point. Many people who knows me, think sports and drinks at the bar define me.  I've worked with kids for 23 years, but this isn't necessarily my stamp.  People know my love of food and my sometimes snobbish opinions of local faves.  These mean nothing to me. My love of film is what defines me.  Movies for me are not sheer entertainment like they are for most.  For me they mean more and every once in a while, albeit infrequently, a movie grabs and shakes my very being.  Tonight, I saw one of these films. Shame, directed by Steve McQueen (not that Steve McQueen) and starring Michael Fassbender tells the tale of a man addicted to sex.  More importantly orgasms.  The movie begins with a shot of him laying in bed. He gets up and within seconds there he is walking, full frontal nudity and it's apparent this isn't going to be a typical movie.  It's made obvious he's had sex and then we see him masturbating i

I will preface by saying . I am not good at poetry.  It never sounds like my tone and I feel uncomfortable, so don't expect much.  I rarely bash myself before the story, but this is just me venting in a way that's easier than a regular paragraph.  This is also why I'm posting at night.  Nobody every reads this at night. As I lay surrounded by four walls, I see this place for what it is. Not as a living space, but as a microcosm of my life. The walls, closing in, strangling me, but all the while asking me to break through.   The queen bed, too big for it's setting,  in the strangest of ways, how I see myself. The broken light in the bathroom, hides the reality. Masking the fact, I'm not who I want to be.  I shave in darkness, enhancing my look for who? The stranger I haven't met or the woman I've lost? The floor littered with clothes, some dirty some clean. Covered magazines and papers, some thought lost. I stare at a pile

I'm busy today.  I've really had a crazy last week.  It was my birthday on Friday and the event basically turned into a 12 day party.  Nights out with friends.  Golf (Golf at Winged Foot no less).  Lots of drinking and eating and partying.  Late nights every night.  Seeing old and new friends.  Connecting with people who I've been missing.  Just good  things.  This coming after a wonderful ten days in Ithaca with my father and grandmother, just lead to a brighter outlook on life.  That all being said, I've slacked in my responsibilities and I'm going to suffer because of it.  The reality is, things are tougher for me right now than ever before in my life and I know it.  So I made a list. I couldn't sleep this morning, because I was thinking of things good and bad in my life.  I decided to lay in bed for a bit and soak up the good things in my life, but then dove into the realities of life. I grabbed a pen and paper and I made a list.  I then divided the list i