It's later than I've been staying up since the last few nights. At least it feels like today has been longer. The first day spent almost entirely alone and in over a month and it made me realize how lonely I've been lately. Sure I have friends and I appreciate them, but I don't have anyone to say goodnight to, so wish my sweet dreams or to wake up and converse with each morning. It's a lonely existence living alone. Sure the quiet and the lack of restrictions is nice at times, but there is something about being able to chat over a meal that I miss a lot. Today marks a somewhat painful anniversary of sorts. Not really an anniversary, but an epiphany that was forgotten and never really recognized. Nothing has changed in two years and I'm a lesser person because of it. This isn't a pity cry or anything like that, no, it is merely a realization. I have cut ties with many and ironically one of those ties said hello recently. Too late, too tired and a dying phone battery made a connection impossible, but then, awake the next morning, I didn't return the last text. I messaged someone else from my past. The last few days, I've somewhat embraced pain, both mental and physical, both the past and the present. Pain has become part of life. Age, experience, weathering of one's soul. Call it what you will, but pain reminds us we're alive. Pain reminds us of better times and allows us perspective. Three months ago I had hopes for certain things and I'd given up on others. I've given up on many more, but I have new hopes. To call them dreams, means they will never come true, so I'm apprehensive. I want to do so much when I return, but that little green item which makes the world go round is out of grasp for many weeks to come. Parties, games, maybe even romance, all put on hold, while time creeps up from various directions. Looking to sink it's teeth into me or at least my wallet. Debts increase, money decreases and with it, opportunity. Ah, to be able to start fresh, how nice that would be. Well, I time myself on these and I have but a minute left. I will miss the taste of haddock in a golden fry, the tangy tartar and the cold Chardonnay. The paprika sprinkled rice and the cool evenings. The sounds of two glasses clinking and the sounds that remind me that there is something better that awaits. I hope.
This was a post I wrote on Facebook after surprisingly not seeing any moaning about the Documentary by Jose Antonio Vargas, titled White People Dayyum! I just scrolled my timeline and not a single white person got their feelings hurt by White People. I unfortunately haven't seen it, but the number of fake accounts that popped up on twitter, tells me it was a damn good show. Here's the thing. If someone of color aka non-white says "White Privilege," are you offended? If you said yes, then you are exhibiting white privilege. It has nothing to do with how hard you work or study, how you stayed out of trouble, because here's the thing, that is entirely the point. Somewhere out there, there are 100 Black, Spanish, Native American, Arab, Asian, who worked and studied as hard as you and never got in trouble, but they don't have what you "earned" or achieved. Stop looking at the one person you know who isn't white that achieved as your benchmark. Loo
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