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Free Writing - Take 29

This will be a short one because it's almost 4am and this is the latest I've been awake in a long time. I had gotten myself to a pretty good schedule, but with one terrible flaw.  I've been napping at the same time I'll soon be teaching.  Three meals alone again and I forgot how much I hate it.  Dinner was awful.  Rushed, ill-conceived and added flavors that didn't meld together.  I look forward to breakfast or brunch tomorrow. Today made me realize some things about Facebook. There are some truly shattered souls out there. Smiling pics, quotes from the heavens and little jokes to mask the pain.  What about those that don't mask it. The one's who put each and every one of life's obstacles on for everyone to see?  I worry about them, hope that it's all for attention and not a cry for help.  I feel like the Internet has become a hotline that nobody answers.  I find it even funnier, although appreciated, that people don't get what I'm doing.  It shows the intelligence of most.  The ones that ignore and talk behind my back, they are the dumbest of the bunch.  Speaking to those who tell me everything.  Then there are the ones who like to follow.  The ones who comment to keep tabs. The ones who insult, not realizing I know more about their lives than they know.  There are the ones who embrace, who get it, who smile, who laugh, who mock. The small circle of people who know what IT is all about. Today was a weird day.  Movies, sleep and math.  Scribbles of paper with numbers and lines.  One could break into my apartment and find tons of them. The Unibomber without words and without bombs.  Statistics and theory blowing up in my brain.  Impressing nobody, but satisfying my own curiosity.  Imagine if I had been born earlier and had the math degree.  Had the insight to write it all down first.  I was a boy, but I was figuring the same. One man makes millions with the same idea I arrived at years ago.  He gave it a name, I call it scribbles.  A winner derived from the boredom of one.  This all seems like babble, but it makes sense to me.  I can't wait to feel the cool sheets on my feet and hopefully think about nothing.  Last night I thought about others, thought about life before.  Smiled and cried.  Slept and awoke, to the same feeling I felt years ago and will feel years from now.  Wonder. 

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