I may have written about this before, but I can't be certain. While I've been known to be open, I rarely talk about fear, because to be honest, I'm not really afraid of much. Sure, I don't want to die alone, but I'm pretty sure we all die alone in some ways. I don't like the idea of not being loved, but well, we deal with that too. I mean real fear, from something completely out of our control. Mine is wind; strong winds.
The recent news of hurricanes bothers me more than people know. Seeing the devastation is tough and the poor support people are shown when nature's fury strikes, is always upsetting, but for me it's the cause that I find upsetting. Things like earthquakes, mudslides, sinkholes and tsunamis are scary, but for me, strong winds are simply terrifying. The pressure, the accompanying rain, thunder and lightning add to it, but for me it's that sound. That howl!
Last night, my window was open a crack, the soft whirl of my ceiling fan going, the blinds shut and the shades drawn, as I slept to the normal sounds of evening. There was some wind, but the standard clink and clank of the wind chimes, did nothing more than sooth me. Around midnight, the wind chimes' melodic notes gave way to what sounds like a child banging pots and pans. The soft whirl, becomes a whistle and howl, sometimes shaking the window as if angered by my safety. At times, it sounded like a roar and while I knew, I couldn't relax. The house shook, the trees rustled, Swag nestled closer and thoughts of Dorothy and Toto, ones that should have brought the comforts of my youth, brought angst and trepidation. Maybe it's because you weren't there and you weren't there, unlike the cast of that classic. I don't know. It's such a visceral reaction.
As the winds died down, the rattling and rumbling stopped and gave way to the soft tones of the chimes, it soothed me. My heart slowed, my breathing calm. The feeling one feels stepping of a roller coaster. Somewhat exhilarated, relieved and the adrenaline release gives one that feeling they've exerted themselves. There was no desire to ride again. I drifted off, woke again to the soft rain, my favorite sound and off again. The cat purred and his paw stretch, resting on my back. He was there.
The recent news of hurricanes bothers me more than people know. Seeing the devastation is tough and the poor support people are shown when nature's fury strikes, is always upsetting, but for me it's the cause that I find upsetting. Things like earthquakes, mudslides, sinkholes and tsunamis are scary, but for me, strong winds are simply terrifying. The pressure, the accompanying rain, thunder and lightning add to it, but for me it's that sound. That howl!
Last night, my window was open a crack, the soft whirl of my ceiling fan going, the blinds shut and the shades drawn, as I slept to the normal sounds of evening. There was some wind, but the standard clink and clank of the wind chimes, did nothing more than sooth me. Around midnight, the wind chimes' melodic notes gave way to what sounds like a child banging pots and pans. The soft whirl, becomes a whistle and howl, sometimes shaking the window as if angered by my safety. At times, it sounded like a roar and while I knew, I couldn't relax. The house shook, the trees rustled, Swag nestled closer and thoughts of Dorothy and Toto, ones that should have brought the comforts of my youth, brought angst and trepidation. Maybe it's because you weren't there and you weren't there, unlike the cast of that classic. I don't know. It's such a visceral reaction.
As the winds died down, the rattling and rumbling stopped and gave way to the soft tones of the chimes, it soothed me. My heart slowed, my breathing calm. The feeling one feels stepping of a roller coaster. Somewhat exhilarated, relieved and the adrenaline release gives one that feeling they've exerted themselves. There was no desire to ride again. I drifted off, woke again to the soft rain, my favorite sound and off again. The cat purred and his paw stretch, resting on my back. He was there.
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