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A Strange Night

Awake, despite complete exhaustion.
Cold, despite being covered.
Shaken, despite being completely safe.
Scattered, despite thinking of one topic.
Forgetful,. despite the familiarity of my surroundings.
Alone, despite being surrounded by others.
Lethargic, despite the ease of the tasks.
Giving, despite needing desperately to receive.
Selling to buy, when I feel as if I should be buying to sell.
Compassionate, when I need to be steadfast.
Faithful, when I need to be selfish.
Awake, when sleep is needed more than anything in this world.

Handling stress now is not like it used to be.
The stress is different and the ramifications are magnified.
I used to covet stress and feed off of it. Now it feeds on me.
Even the kids could not distract my thoughts.
Today I must breathe and placate my mind.
I feel as if I have no options, but I have two, 
And neither is as serious as fight or flight.
I always used to fight, except when it was warranted to fly.
Have I learned or am I mixing the two up?

I know who would know, and maybe that's the problem. 
I'm still waiting to be told. 

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