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Free Writing - Take 14

I had a plan.  A good nights sleep.  It was so very much needed.  Alas I was able to get an hour, maybe two.  I'm tired now at 4am, thanks to a second serving of melatonin.  My body is breaking down from this lack of rest.  Bad knees that have hampered me for 15 years are getting worse.  A hip problem and a lower leg problem have worsened.  My back hurts at times and my torn rotator cuff has started to ache.  People don't know the pain I'm in on a daily basis, because I don't talk about it often.  I walk like a zombie to the bathroom.  My knees don't bend at times.  The pain is excruciating.  So is life I guess.  I had a good class today.  Kids going crazy, but at times hilarious.  I wanted nothing of today, but to lay in bed. A rough couple of days.  Party like a rock star?  Well a rock star who is just a friend to just about everyone these days.  I wonder when I'll meet someone or connect with someone in a way that is more than the normal, high-bye, you're the best, but whatever.  I'm not that person.  The one who is willing to jeopardize a friendship or ruin another man's relationship.  It's just not my style and believe me, as much as one wouldn't expect it, the opportunities have been there.  I've really taken inventory of my friends lately.  Those who are there and those who aren't.  Those who have the time and those who make excuses.  I'm not complaining, but realize I might not be there for you one day.  I have also been thinking about the future.  Have to really get things in order for 2013.  Can't afford to have another year like 2012.  It was ugly on all levels.  It amazes me to think of the turbulence of the last two years.  The kids have kept me sane and the love of my father, brother and a few friends who have really stepped up have made things bearable.  A good laugh from someone I don't even really know made my quiet night alone truly brighter.  I need more things like that daily and someone to share them with.  Off to try and slumber, if just for another hour or two.  That was the plan from the beginning anyway.

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