How Can Anyone Have Any Holiday Spirit This Year?

First night in nearly three weeks I've relaxed and watched a movie.  A shooting took place in the movie and it was a comedy.  A comedy about a true story.  It kind of made me sad, that despite it being very good, I was so numb to the one violent scene.  This week has made me numb to almost everything.  Tuesday night, I passed on a Christmas party.  I told myself it was for many reasons, but I think deep down, I don't want to celebrate this year.  Christmas isn't supposed to be about Jesus', but in reality it is about making kids happy.  Hard to feel festive this year.  Hard for many reasons.  Newtown, Connecticut is just one.  Hard to feel festive when I'm witnessing so much hatred in the world and not even the vast world I don't know, but the world I live in.  I've been called more names in the last few months than ever before in my life. Ironically, nowadays those who are touting their belief in the second amendment, don't believe in my first amendment rights, because I'm not in agreement with them.  These same people who are right to lifers are also right to death fans.  They put up silly posts about how when they miss a train and get stuck in the rain, it was really Jesus saving them from some horrible thing that they never knew about.  Well where was Jesus last Friday?  Was he looking down and saying we need this?  You can't have things both ways people. You can't have your god be a benevolent god when things are good and then say it's man's will when things are bad.  It doesn't work that way.  He's omnipotent.  If you don't know what that means, you need to figure it out and then question everything you believe in.  I'm sorry.  I am all for someone wishing people well in time of need, but let's face facts.  We're an evil people in general.  We kill and we maim and we call people names and then we says "God Bless" when someone sneezes or gets sick.  We're a whacked out culture of hypocrites.  I can't wrap my head around this tragedy, but I do know one thing and that is, it won't be the last.  We don't learn from our mistakes.  We accept these tragedies as if the word itself is a fabrication of reality. I didn't know any of these kids personally, but the hurt I have is overwhelming.  I fear for their families, that one of them might snap.  Or that a sibling or friend might grow up with such fear, they will feel the need to protect themselves or to hurt someone back to take away their pain.. Tomorrow is my last day of the year at the school.  I have four kids. Two kindergarten boys and two 2nd grade girls. For over a decade I've walked in and out and nobody paid me any mind and now the looks from everywhere are felt.  The kids are so innocent and many do not really know what has happened.  I hope they never know.  I'll leave tomorrow and wish them a happy holidays and tell them I'll see them the next class.  I have told every kids I've ever had I'll see them tomorrow, next week, next month or next year.  We all do.  We all assume, they're are young, they aren't going anywhere.  I wish I could feel the confidence this will always be.  A little part of that was lost this past week.  It won't change how I treat them or how I teach, but it will affect how I view our futures.  Net week at this time, I hope to be recovering from eating too much, surrounded by family and happy. I know at some point of every day, I'll stop and think about those who don't have that and I'll feel guilt and pain.  Life will go on for me and for most of us.  Thankfully these types of things don't happen to most of us, but they shouldn't happen to any of us.  I wish I had some blind faith to bless those families with some kind words or scripture, but the reality is, the evil that resides in our lives is stronger at times and this time, it has truly won.  That is the part I can't accept.