Subdued. Bus Rides take a lot out of me. It's not the boredom, but the pain. The sharp pain, tingling down my legs, reminding me of age, of times ago, where I'd bounce back from anything. The silence of my father's house, my grandmother's old room, where I slept, is gone. The hiss from the pipes outside my door, the boilers hum and the occasional park of a dog or a car horn all distract me from even the most minor thoughts. All those noises, muffled by the deer filled hill and houses, filled with respectful neighbors. A town with two colleges, yet there are not radios blazing or tires screeching. A civilized world unlike mine. Cab rides to look forward to and their incredible costs. The math is mind boggling. It upsets me actually. Life isn't fair in so many ways, but everyone wants to make a buck, then when they have a buck, they want two. The world's greed makes it so hard to get by. Missed is the taste of the veal chops, the rib eyes and the scallop dinners I just had. Lebanon bologna, olives, French cheeses. If I had money to burn, my pleasures would be so simple. Food, friends and films. I need nothing else. This is the truth I speak. I try to come across as complex, but that is what I need. The serenity brought on by those three things is enough. I am fading now, almost terrified to repeat the dream. An apartment I can't afford, a meal I'll never cook and a girl, I can only hope to get to know as well as I want. I'll awake, saddened. Recoup. A sip of coffee and a hot shower. The kids will make me laugh and I'll see some friends and speak of our weeks. I'll walk home, leisurely, thinking, subdued. Weakened by the weight, not of the world, but of my dreams, so simple in nature, but so difficult to attain. Good Night I'll say, waiting for an answer. Nothing.
Most people I know do not care about knowing the truth or facts, they only care about being the one who passes along information. I wonder if I could privately ask people why they use social media (honestly), what their reason would be. I don't think people without a sense of humor, realize how much fun the world can be. Even during the hard times. So many of us spend time thinking of mistakes and regrets, but if we really think about it, we've probably dodged more bullets than missed boats. You know when you sit by yourself reading, sipping some coffee or tea and you don't think about anything, but what you're doing? That!
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