All people come and go. Some leave us because of death, some because of location. Some leave us for reason we can't understand and some leave us because they no longer fit into our lives. Today I was reflecting on my life and it's many changes. My core values and most major aspects of my being are still the same, but many things have changes. I despise talking on the phone lately, which is funny, because this was a major part of my life for the first forty years. I now find that I am the one telling people that I have to go, as I sit staring at a cup of coffee like it is some kind of urgent responsibility. Due to this new aggravation, I have lost touch with a lot of my distant friends. I still consider them to be close friends and long for the days when we can sit on a patio, a deck or a dock and catch up on our lives. Facebook and Twitter have kept us in touch, but the human contact, the shared laughs, the hugs, this is what I miss.
Many people have left my life because of personal reasons. Relationships torn apart by arguments or differences of opinion on how we can stay friends have been more commonplace than ever in my last few years. There was a time when I could boast about being friends with all my exes. Within the last five years, I can claim this no longer. Many people I considered friends went on to paths in which I didn't fit. A lot of my married friends don't have time for the single guy who wants to get together for the game and some beers. Some like to do the city thing once a month, instead of the casual outing regularly. Some got into drugs and are into a scene I'm not interested in. Some just don't go out anymore and some just changed everything about themselves to appease some desperate need to be like everyone else.
Then there are those who pretend to be friends on social media, but do so only to monitor other people's lives. They troll my page, making snide comments about me personally, while I'm in the midst of serious conversation or debate. At times everyone knows them and laughs them off, but the majority of the time, I'm receiving a private message from good friends saying they can't comment on my page anymore because of the Internet trolls whom they have no use for. Recently, as I blogged about last night, I was told I used to be a racist and used to blurt out racial and gay slurs. While very few people read my blog, I did receive a few messages from friends asking me who this accuser was and commenting on their disbelief. I had another person tell me to stop lowering myself by having conversations with people with an IQ in the "double digits." This made me laugh, because if I have one prejudice, it is a lack of intelligence. Obviously, those with disabilities, I love and admire, but those who never went for help, never applied themselves and just skated by I have no use for. I could point that judgement stick at myself, but my "skating by" was getting 90's on tests and a grade of 75 for cutting 10 classes in high school or getting drunk the night before finals and getting a B instead of an A in college. These are the people I need to stop wasting my time with. The ironic thing is, whenever I have decided to stop speaking to someone or even block them from seeing my content, I am told by friend of theirs that I did so because I can't take that they put me in my place and I can't take "constructive" criticism. This makes me wonder about the intelligence of these messengers.
As I may have mentioned, aside from being called every curse word in the book, I've been told I am an imbecile, a racist, a communist, a socialist, delusional, a heathen, irrationally biased and intolerant of anything. Yet, I stay friends with those who preach hate against foreigners, want America to return to a time where slavery and women's rights were non-existent, who want only those with money to make money, who still believe that trickle down is more than merely a sexual reference. Most don't know the first thing about the roots of socialism or communism. They not only believe in God, but believe the stories in the Bible are literal and who base their entire core belief system on what a preacher and Fox News analysts tell them. Somehow, I'm the intolerant one? I've started weeding these people out of my life, because to be frank, some of them scare me. I've had threats of violence against me. My favorite of course is being threatened to be shot by someone explaining that it's not responsible gun owners that are the problem it's mental health. Hmm?
When it comes to friends, it's the similarities that brought us together, but it's the differences that make our relationships stronger and better. These differences give us perspective and allow us to see the world differently, whether we accept that world as our own or not. It's the people recently, who refuse to listen, who mock me and call me names, who I'm starting to wonder about. Were they always this way; their anger, hatred and bigotry were just waiting to strike? Are my thoughts and opinions so important to anger them? These are people who don't want to be my friend, but want to know what I say and what I do. What a sad life they lead. One person, who gloats about his success, his family, his house, his job, is such a sad man when I see what he writes about me. He's so obsessed with his views and building himself up in his mind, he forgets we were once friends who laughed over beers just a year ago. To him it's about right and wrong, black and white and there is no compromise. Then there are the trolls, who bash me personally, because they don't know how life works, because they've been coddled by their parents, surrounded by hate and tales of how the minorities are stealing their rights. Do not get me wrong, the person who I share the least in common with, the person I argue with most, the person who gets me going on a regular basis, is someone I see about once every blue moon, but I respect him. I respect his beliefs, even when I feel he doesn't look in the mirror enough to see himself for what he's becoming. He I can tolerate, even if we need a break from each other ever so often.
People have come and gone and some of those who are still here, I stay friends with for reasons other than friendship. It's usually to appease an other, truer friend. Some I'm scared, because of their power and the problems they could cause me. I've had good friends, people I valued, try and blindside me with attacks that have spread like wildfire in a town that turns its back when it's staple families commit atrocities, but my comments on Facebook become the thing of legend. It's a fine line in this crazy world we live in. I worry more today than I did yesterday, that someone may really think I'm trying to take their gun, their rights or their "freedoms." I'm worried that someone might really believe the lies being spread. I worry that my true friends may look at those I associate with and question who I really am (this has happened). I worry that my surrounding myself with those who can't give me intelligent insights may bring me down.
Most of the people who have come and gone, I'm better off without. It's those who aren't gone, who I value, but look so tiny and far away. Those who I'm grasping to bring back, while those who I need to leave, grab and pull at me, not letting me be the one who goes. I've learned to cut ties recently, but there are so many more to go. I know some feel the same way about me, so I say, let's do this and make ourselves happier. I just ask that you try to find some level of class and walk away silently.
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