Do you ever feel that you hold yourself back by being level-headed, modest, and humble? Do you ever project yourself in a manner that demeans your character and intelligence, all the while feeling as if you're surrounded by people who do the opposite? Do you think those of us who are chronic underachievers are so because of our empathy, compassion, and simply because we spend so much time bringing up and helping others, we fail ourselves?
Someone made a joke recently in regards to someone who thought they were bright, simply because they were somewhat organized in appearance, saying "They're no MENSA candidate." I laughed, then in almost a knee-jerk reaction, uttered: "Who is?" Silly, simple story. No meaning, right? Here's the thing, I was. I passed a prerequisite test, by a lot, and was invited to apply for membership, which would have entailed taking their entrance exam. I didn't. Why? Numerous reasons, but maybe I didn't want to quantify my intelligence and honestly know where I stand in comparison to others. Maybe I was scared I wouldn't pass, as I hadn't taken a test under pressure in quite some time. Most likely, I simply didn't want people to think less of me if, and when I mentioned it. The thing that makes this story even more strange is, I am always dumbing myself down to converse with those who sincerely believe they're smarter than I am, simply because they have a more profitable job, successful relationships, a bigger home (or quite honestly, a home of their own) or are more popular. Every single day, I demean my own intelligence to talk like other people do, when the reality is, they wouldn't even grasp what I'm saying in most cases. No, I do not have the most complex vocabulary and I am not speaking the King's English, or maybe I am, but I do know I've never once been in a room and not been able to add to the conversation. Not just be present or change the topic to cater to my own personal knowledge, but to actually add substance to said topic. How many people think they can do this and how many can? I know but a few. Sadly, most of those I've known have passed. See my last blog for my struggle to meet these types.
So why do I do this? Why do we do this? We do it in bars, online, during social gatherings and sadly, there are times when we do it with those we live with, even love. It's a lot more of a struggle than one may think and to have, yes have to do this, is exhausting. To talk about the mundane, even simplifying that, is a process of great will and even more patience, and for any of you who have children or work with them, it's that type of patience, but with the added stress of dumbing yourself down without doing so to such a level you degrade the person your talking to. The hardest part is that it's self-degradation to cater to another's ignorance and what you'd assume is their insecurity. The thing I'm learning is, dumb people really don't know they're dumb and what's worse, if they happen to be the "smart one" of their group, they sincerely believe they are gifted with higher intelligence. Speaking to them can be a virtual tightrope walk, balancing between speaking to them on their level without degrading them or having them dismiss you, once they realize you may actually know more than them. Is this compassion of sheer masochism?
If you've read this far, you may have eye-rolled, but check the subject line. You were pre-warned. I also want to add, I've been on the bottom side of the intelligence quotient, and have experienced this feeling of inadequacy, but the major difference is I knew damn well I was out of my element. The worst was listening to two people discuss the documentary Particle Fever with such fervor and gusto, meanwhile, I was thinking "It's boring." The thing was, they viewed it on a level I could not understand and I tried my damndest not to let them in on this. I failed, miserably I might add. This is where jokes about the flux capacitor don't get the usual laugh.
So where's the line? Do we use our gifts daily? Do we hide them and take them out when the time is right? I mean, do great dancers dance like me when they want others to feel better about themselves? Do great singers attempt to mimic Tom Waits, Shane McGowan, and Dylan when they do karaoke (OK, for some of us that's a really bad analogy)? I'm not putting myself in the elite company of great thinkers, but if you understood what goes on in my head, especially when discussing the mundane out of need, you'd understand. So yeah, this post is maybe trying to boost me up, get me out of a mental and emotional rut, without sacrificing friendships by screaming "Do you know how stupid you are?" We can all joke about intelligence being based on being able to differentiate between they're, their, and there, or to simply be able to spell most common words properly, but it's more than that. It's being able to speak about many things, at different levels, and to add to conversations. Have you ever met someone who has never, not once, added to a conversation? I know a few, and it's downright frightening when you wonder how these people reached middle age, when looking both ways is multitasking.
If you're reading this and thinking "What a dick?" Maybe you're who I'm talking about or, maybe you're the smarter of the two of us. If you are, please talk to me. Please! In college, I took philosophy and religion courses, just to break the monotony of the unintelligent, uninformed, and painfully boring (wait for it) education courses. Did I understand it all? Hell no! Sorry for the blasphemy, but if you ever want a head-scratcher, read the Book of Luke in the Bible. If you can consume and understand that on your first run, you're a better mind than me. I miss conversations where I'm challenged and I miss my friends who made me feel as if I needed to hit the library or the internet. I miss coming home drunk and searching for more information on the subject we had just discussed because I felt the lesser of the group.
So there, my narcissistic post ended on a self inflicted negative. That's who I am.
Someone made a joke recently in regards to someone who thought they were bright, simply because they were somewhat organized in appearance, saying "They're no MENSA candidate." I laughed, then in almost a knee-jerk reaction, uttered: "Who is?" Silly, simple story. No meaning, right? Here's the thing, I was. I passed a prerequisite test, by a lot, and was invited to apply for membership, which would have entailed taking their entrance exam. I didn't. Why? Numerous reasons, but maybe I didn't want to quantify my intelligence and honestly know where I stand in comparison to others. Maybe I was scared I wouldn't pass, as I hadn't taken a test under pressure in quite some time. Most likely, I simply didn't want people to think less of me if, and when I mentioned it. The thing that makes this story even more strange is, I am always dumbing myself down to converse with those who sincerely believe they're smarter than I am, simply because they have a more profitable job, successful relationships, a bigger home (or quite honestly, a home of their own) or are more popular. Every single day, I demean my own intelligence to talk like other people do, when the reality is, they wouldn't even grasp what I'm saying in most cases. No, I do not have the most complex vocabulary and I am not speaking the King's English, or maybe I am, but I do know I've never once been in a room and not been able to add to the conversation. Not just be present or change the topic to cater to my own personal knowledge, but to actually add substance to said topic. How many people think they can do this and how many can? I know but a few. Sadly, most of those I've known have passed. See my last blog for my struggle to meet these types.
So why do I do this? Why do we do this? We do it in bars, online, during social gatherings and sadly, there are times when we do it with those we live with, even love. It's a lot more of a struggle than one may think and to have, yes have to do this, is exhausting. To talk about the mundane, even simplifying that, is a process of great will and even more patience, and for any of you who have children or work with them, it's that type of patience, but with the added stress of dumbing yourself down without doing so to such a level you degrade the person your talking to. The hardest part is that it's self-degradation to cater to another's ignorance and what you'd assume is their insecurity. The thing I'm learning is, dumb people really don't know they're dumb and what's worse, if they happen to be the "smart one" of their group, they sincerely believe they are gifted with higher intelligence. Speaking to them can be a virtual tightrope walk, balancing between speaking to them on their level without degrading them or having them dismiss you, once they realize you may actually know more than them. Is this compassion of sheer masochism?
If you've read this far, you may have eye-rolled, but check the subject line. You were pre-warned. I also want to add, I've been on the bottom side of the intelligence quotient, and have experienced this feeling of inadequacy, but the major difference is I knew damn well I was out of my element. The worst was listening to two people discuss the documentary Particle Fever with such fervor and gusto, meanwhile, I was thinking "It's boring." The thing was, they viewed it on a level I could not understand and I tried my damndest not to let them in on this. I failed, miserably I might add. This is where jokes about the flux capacitor don't get the usual laugh.
So where's the line? Do we use our gifts daily? Do we hide them and take them out when the time is right? I mean, do great dancers dance like me when they want others to feel better about themselves? Do great singers attempt to mimic Tom Waits, Shane McGowan, and Dylan when they do karaoke (OK, for some of us that's a really bad analogy)? I'm not putting myself in the elite company of great thinkers, but if you understood what goes on in my head, especially when discussing the mundane out of need, you'd understand. So yeah, this post is maybe trying to boost me up, get me out of a mental and emotional rut, without sacrificing friendships by screaming "Do you know how stupid you are?" We can all joke about intelligence being based on being able to differentiate between they're, their, and there, or to simply be able to spell most common words properly, but it's more than that. It's being able to speak about many things, at different levels, and to add to conversations. Have you ever met someone who has never, not once, added to a conversation? I know a few, and it's downright frightening when you wonder how these people reached middle age, when looking both ways is multitasking.
If you're reading this and thinking "What a dick?" Maybe you're who I'm talking about or, maybe you're the smarter of the two of us. If you are, please talk to me. Please! In college, I took philosophy and religion courses, just to break the monotony of the unintelligent, uninformed, and painfully boring (wait for it) education courses. Did I understand it all? Hell no! Sorry for the blasphemy, but if you ever want a head-scratcher, read the Book of Luke in the Bible. If you can consume and understand that on your first run, you're a better mind than me. I miss conversations where I'm challenged and I miss my friends who made me feel as if I needed to hit the library or the internet. I miss coming home drunk and searching for more information on the subject we had just discussed because I felt the lesser of the group.
So there, my narcissistic post ended on a self inflicted negative. That's who I am.
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