“I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to
succeed, but I am bound to live up to what light I have.”
―
People love to start off sentences with bold statements such as "I am no better than anyone else, but..." and there is only one word of importance in that entire introduction to their following thought, but. The short, succinct word negates what they had just said and prefaces what they really feel. I find myself saying it out loud, but in my mind, I truly believe, in that singular instance, I am better, not than all, but than most.
Yesterday, I made a decision, which in my mind, negatively affects me. I made the decision based on essentially three factors, one hypothetical, one probable, and one financial. Most of the time, in my search for a new place to live, the very real deterrent for a landlord is my cat. The very real deterrent for me is, I'm broke. This person was willing to work with my financial issues, but needed more up-front. I am already asking one person for assistance and the thought of another would have been an issue. That being said, that was the least of the three factors. The hypothetical was that my car won't survive or be able to handle the winter weather in this new locale. This could border on probable, at least where the weather is concerned and this weighed heavy on my mind, because public transportation is not an option where this house was situated. The deciding factor was probable. My cat is a cat and he likes to test, sharpen, annoy, and mark his territory with his nails on furniture. When I walked into this house, saw the lovely furniture, tapestries, and other stylish and, most likely, incredibly expensive items, I worried immediately. Not so much for the money, I'd lose out of the deposit, but in that, I'd be giving someone my assurance that I would leave their house, whether it be a month, six, or a year, much like it was. As I sat on the soft, cool, microfiber couch, I realized I had to be honest. I have very little in this world, in fact, nothing of value, other than my integrity and my feline beast. If I were to compromise one for the other, what would that make me? As we spoke, I thought about what nearly everyone else I know, spare a handful, would do, and it was actually that thought which made my decision, to be honest about my own reservations. We chatted some more and she thanked me for my honesty and my selflessness, wish me good luck, and added that should I fall short in my search, whether she has taken on a tenant or not, I have a place to stay for a short time. One hour and twenty minutes prior to this, she was a stranger.
As I drove home, I thought about how her kindness, her compassion, and her offers, both earlier and later were things I was not accustomed to, but had grown up in a family who had done this so many many times for others. It made me realize, especially in this age of self-promotion and narcissism, that it's not actually a bad thing to believe you're better than others, as long as you always act accordingly. Selfishness for self-preservation, like stealing to avoid starvation, does not make anyone less of a person and stealing to feed another could almost be seen as virtuous. In the hours since, I thought about those I know, both as a group and as a whole, and I realized the ones who criticize others' selfishness, crimes, or sins, would not have acted as I had, nor would they have acted as this woman had. Not once, not ever. She had nothing to gain from her acts and by my not acting, I had everything to gain. I slept well last night. I'm sure she did too. I'm sure those I thought about did as well, but for oh so different reasons.
succeed, but I am bound to live up to what light I have.”
―
People love to start off sentences with bold statements such as "I am no better than anyone else, but..." and there is only one word of importance in that entire introduction to their following thought, but. The short, succinct word negates what they had just said and prefaces what they really feel. I find myself saying it out loud, but in my mind, I truly believe, in that singular instance, I am better, not than all, but than most.
Yesterday, I made a decision, which in my mind, negatively affects me. I made the decision based on essentially three factors, one hypothetical, one probable, and one financial. Most of the time, in my search for a new place to live, the very real deterrent for a landlord is my cat. The very real deterrent for me is, I'm broke. This person was willing to work with my financial issues, but needed more up-front. I am already asking one person for assistance and the thought of another would have been an issue. That being said, that was the least of the three factors. The hypothetical was that my car won't survive or be able to handle the winter weather in this new locale. This could border on probable, at least where the weather is concerned and this weighed heavy on my mind, because public transportation is not an option where this house was situated. The deciding factor was probable. My cat is a cat and he likes to test, sharpen, annoy, and mark his territory with his nails on furniture. When I walked into this house, saw the lovely furniture, tapestries, and other stylish and, most likely, incredibly expensive items, I worried immediately. Not so much for the money, I'd lose out of the deposit, but in that, I'd be giving someone my assurance that I would leave their house, whether it be a month, six, or a year, much like it was. As I sat on the soft, cool, microfiber couch, I realized I had to be honest. I have very little in this world, in fact, nothing of value, other than my integrity and my feline beast. If I were to compromise one for the other, what would that make me? As we spoke, I thought about what nearly everyone else I know, spare a handful, would do, and it was actually that thought which made my decision, to be honest about my own reservations. We chatted some more and she thanked me for my honesty and my selflessness, wish me good luck, and added that should I fall short in my search, whether she has taken on a tenant or not, I have a place to stay for a short time. One hour and twenty minutes prior to this, she was a stranger.
As I drove home, I thought about how her kindness, her compassion, and her offers, both earlier and later were things I was not accustomed to, but had grown up in a family who had done this so many many times for others. It made me realize, especially in this age of self-promotion and narcissism, that it's not actually a bad thing to believe you're better than others, as long as you always act accordingly. Selfishness for self-preservation, like stealing to avoid starvation, does not make anyone less of a person and stealing to feed another could almost be seen as virtuous. In the hours since, I thought about those I know, both as a group and as a whole, and I realized the ones who criticize others' selfishness, crimes, or sins, would not have acted as I had, nor would they have acted as this woman had. Not once, not ever. She had nothing to gain from her acts and by my not acting, I had everything to gain. I slept well last night. I'm sure she did too. I'm sure those I thought about did as well, but for oh so different reasons.
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