Lists, they're so cliche. Top 3, 5, 10, 25, 100. Who cares? I think we like the order, simplicity, and familiarity of lists. I think the choice to read a heading and not the content has become an American thing, but I have no data to back this up. The concept of lists is not what I'm here to do, so without further adieu, here are the ten things I ask myself every day. Side Note: These are questions as of late, not through the annals of my time on Earth.
1. How would my life be different had my mother not passed away 15 years ago (this week)?
2. How have I failed my brother and his family?
3. What if I had finished school?
4. What if I hadn't sought change just for the sake of change?
5. How can I be a better person for others, but most of all, for myself?
6. Is it really that important to be happy at work?
7. Why do I allow other people's issues and personalities to consume me?
8. Wil the next fifteen years resemble the last and if so, do I even want to bother (Please don't read into this)?
9. Am I meant to be unhappy?
10. Where will I be living in 21 days?
When I look at this list, I have no misconceptions about why I ask myself these questions, I simply wonder why I can't answer them. I pride myself on honesty, but often wonder if I'm honest with myself. I ask myself why to more mundane questions and know immediately the reasons and my faults that cause me to even ask the questions. These, however, despite all my experience and knowledge, regarding my own ways, seem unanswerable. I do not feel they are necessarily hypothetical, although in some ways, any question that contains the word if is a hypothetical. I try not to dwell on any too much, and often I find myself connecting so many of them to excuse the others. I do wonder what life would be like, had my biggest regrets been not having these questions to ask. Would they have changed me for the better or for worse? None of these questions, with the exception of one, can be answered by simply looking towards the future, and only one can be answered by moving on from the past. The internal irony is that I have moved on, answering all of them, but the questions still remain. So maybe the real question is: Why am I not satisfied with the answers I've chosen?
1. How would my life be different had my mother not passed away 15 years ago (this week)?
2. How have I failed my brother and his family?
3. What if I had finished school?
4. What if I hadn't sought change just for the sake of change?
5. How can I be a better person for others, but most of all, for myself?
6. Is it really that important to be happy at work?
7. Why do I allow other people's issues and personalities to consume me?
8. Wil the next fifteen years resemble the last and if so, do I even want to bother (Please don't read into this)?
9. Am I meant to be unhappy?
10. Where will I be living in 21 days?
When I look at this list, I have no misconceptions about why I ask myself these questions, I simply wonder why I can't answer them. I pride myself on honesty, but often wonder if I'm honest with myself. I ask myself why to more mundane questions and know immediately the reasons and my faults that cause me to even ask the questions. These, however, despite all my experience and knowledge, regarding my own ways, seem unanswerable. I do not feel they are necessarily hypothetical, although in some ways, any question that contains the word if is a hypothetical. I try not to dwell on any too much, and often I find myself connecting so many of them to excuse the others. I do wonder what life would be like, had my biggest regrets been not having these questions to ask. Would they have changed me for the better or for worse? None of these questions, with the exception of one, can be answered by simply looking towards the future, and only one can be answered by moving on from the past. The internal irony is that I have moved on, answering all of them, but the questions still remain. So maybe the real question is: Why am I not satisfied with the answers I've chosen?
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