Skip to main content

The Day After

"In jealousy there is more self-love than love." - Francois de la Rochefoucald

Have you ever said something and in your mind you completely meant it.  Then when confronted with the fact that your well wishes came true, you immediately felt anger and betrayal.  This isn't like me.  I've never been a jealous person.  I've never been one to care that there are haves and I am a have not.  I have never coveted what others have.  If they are friends, I am happy for their success and happiness.  If they are people who I don't know, I assume there must be something good about them for their achievements are a sign.  Unless proven wrong, I believe people have things for a reason.  It may not always be the best reason, but who am I to question it.  So how did I fall prey to this feeling?

When you love something, to lose it is tough.  There is a healing process that begins and then you learn to cope.  These coping skills allow us to continue relationships that at one time, felt like love, but now we convince ourselves there was a mistake.  We learn to let go and we tell ourselves that time heals all wounds. How much time?  What happens when we convince ourselves that we are healed? Suddenly, this health is tested and we find we were not healed.  The revelation is tough to deal with.  We fight it with every fiber of our being. We place blame on others for our inability.  We throw accusations and insults, but what we're really saying is that we care more about our feelings than those who are the objects of our affection.  Genuinely, we don't mean to hurt, but we do so to preserve our own love.  Jealousy is nothing more than the reflection of our own anger, sorrow and desperation, that we reflect onto others.  I never used to be that person, but last night, I looked into that mirror and didn't like what I saw and blamed another, who deep down, I truly care about.  For that, I feel horrible.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

White Privilege

This was a post I wrote on Facebook after surprisingly not seeing any moaning about the Documentary by Jose Antonio Vargas, titled White People Dayyum! I just scrolled my timeline and not a single white person got their feelings hurt by White People. I unfortunately haven't seen it, but the number of fake accounts that popped up on twitter, tells me it was a damn good show. Here's the thing. If someone of color aka non-white says "White Privilege," are you offended? If you said yes, then you are exhibiting white privilege. It has nothing to do with how hard you work or study, how you stayed out of trouble, because here's the thing, that is entirely the point. Somewhere out there, there are 100 Black, Spanish, Native American, Arab, Asian, who worked and studied as hard as you and never got in trouble, but they don't have what you "earned" or achieved. Stop looking at the one person you know who isn't white that achieved as your benchmark. Loo
10 comments
Read more

11 Rules of Life - Bill Gates?

I read this on Facebook this morning.  A friend had posted it and said that every child should have to receive this. I of course read it and started to think.  I immediately wondered who really wrote this, as I rarely see things like this attributed to the proper person.  I immediately found it was written by Conservative Charles J. Sykes when he wrote a book about how America is dumbing down our youth.  I read it twice and started to wonder how true it was.  Below is a link to the actual picture I saw. So let's look at each of the rules and analyze them. Rule 1: Life is not fair — get used to it! - Life is not fair in that we are not all afforded the same opportunities based on race, creed, color, socio-economic background, but in general, those who are afforded the same opportunities to succeed are very often rewarded for their individual efforts.  Sure there may be underlying circumstances, but hard work is proven to pay more often than not and those who strive for succ
Post a Comment
Read more

Quickie Review - Finding Vivian Maier

While I thoroughly enjoyed the film, especially the first 15-20 minutes, I was a little bothered by the way the film played out. The interviews with the clearly disturbed brother, sister and the mother, who obviously, was in for a cut, didn't need to be in the film. Then the woman who suggested abuse, yet seemed to have her life defined by Maier, as she tried to muster every ounce of emotion and fake guilt. Her friend, more than happy to be party of the charade. People who talk about abuse for the first time, usually don't do so on camera. The fact these scenes were so prominent, shows that they felt wronged that they were not rewarded. Maloof on the other hand, seems to disappear from the documentary during this part, almost hiding away from the fact, he went from complete praise, to even making money off of her, to destroying her personal legacy. He almost mentions the family of boys taking care of her rent, as an afterthought. Her burial spot, never shown, yet a video of her
7 comments
Read more