I've noticed recently that I've been apologizing to others for things I have failed to do for myself. The very process of writing this down makes it sound absurd. I am vegan, but I have knowingly eaten a few things that were not vegan during the holidays. I found myself explaining it to people who were not even present. So I do more for the environment, nature, and animals than 95% of the world, but I find it necessary to admonish myself publicly for a private action that affected nobody. Who does this?
I apologized to someone for being late, after saying I'd be absent, for a reason that was no fault of my own. Realize, I was only late, not absent, but I apologized. When I explained this to another, they said I should have been thanked. I was still apologizing yesterday, despite being early, while everyone else, and I literally mean, every single person I work with was late. No apologies from them.
I have explained things to people who care or don't, but for some reason, I feel it necessary to clarify my deeds, so there's no dispute as to why I do what I do. In these circumstances, the person I give and explanation is usually a third party. Am I really that desperate for confirmation that my actions are appropriate? The answer is no, because I hold myself accountable for all of my actions, popular or not, right or wrong.
I almost feel as others' lack of reason, responsibility, and accountability may be the hidden agenda. Not that I am self-righteous, but I often feel my opening up about my failures, may lead to another admitting theirs, although historically, this does not happen very often. I recently was thanked for something after I apologized. I was then told that the person had attempted to do what I did, but then decided against it. My apology, their thanks, and then the subsequent explanation confused me. Had I just apologized for achieving something that another didn't that same task? What's worse is, their explanation for not achieving the task was more contrived than my apology for completing it.
I am not one to put the words "I'm sorry" out involuntarily, but I do feel, as of late, I feel it necessary to explain my actions far more than others even acknowledge their inactions. I also find that my wording, even within this format, has become slightly scrambled. I feel as though my spoken and written words are projections as to what is going on in my head. I guess in a way, this conclusion is a full circle and I'm back explaining or apologizing for a writing style that is representative of how I feel. When I don't even have to.
I apologized to someone for being late, after saying I'd be absent, for a reason that was no fault of my own. Realize, I was only late, not absent, but I apologized. When I explained this to another, they said I should have been thanked. I was still apologizing yesterday, despite being early, while everyone else, and I literally mean, every single person I work with was late. No apologies from them.
I have explained things to people who care or don't, but for some reason, I feel it necessary to clarify my deeds, so there's no dispute as to why I do what I do. In these circumstances, the person I give and explanation is usually a third party. Am I really that desperate for confirmation that my actions are appropriate? The answer is no, because I hold myself accountable for all of my actions, popular or not, right or wrong.
I almost feel as others' lack of reason, responsibility, and accountability may be the hidden agenda. Not that I am self-righteous, but I often feel my opening up about my failures, may lead to another admitting theirs, although historically, this does not happen very often. I recently was thanked for something after I apologized. I was then told that the person had attempted to do what I did, but then decided against it. My apology, their thanks, and then the subsequent explanation confused me. Had I just apologized for achieving something that another didn't that same task? What's worse is, their explanation for not achieving the task was more contrived than my apology for completing it.
I am not one to put the words "I'm sorry" out involuntarily, but I do feel, as of late, I feel it necessary to explain my actions far more than others even acknowledge their inactions. I also find that my wording, even within this format, has become slightly scrambled. I feel as though my spoken and written words are projections as to what is going on in my head. I guess in a way, this conclusion is a full circle and I'm back explaining or apologizing for a writing style that is representative of how I feel. When I don't even have to.
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