A lot of people claim to have insomnia, but you have no idea what it is like to only be able to sleep when you're body feels like it is about to shut down. During the week of Christmas I slept a total of 23 hours. Six of them coming one evening. So for the other six nights I slept a total of less than three hours per night. Combine that with the fact that I took seven hours of naps during the day and that is now down two hours per night. Pretty scary when you think about it.
A lot of people offer suggestions and they have worked, so I value them. The thing is, even with these, I sleep maybe five hours a night. Recently. I've actually felt my body breaking down. I've been suffering from some physical and mental issues, which have at times been a little scary. For someone who is of sane mind, to hallucinate due to fatigue is a scary thing. One morning recently, I started to doze and a noise woke me up. I looked at the ground and saw a bunch of cords that appeared to be snakes sliding across my floor. I rubbed my eyes and looked again and was sure they were snakes. I had to convince myself this was not the case and slowly they became cords again. I had not been drinking and this was quite scary. I finally fell asleep and woke up thinking I had slept for three or four hours. I looked at the clock and 13 minutes had past. I then couldn't fall asleep again for 26 hours.
The worst part of insomnia is you're never really tired, but your body is. My mind appears to be alert as ever, but I can feel the aches and pains in my body multiplying. I know it's unhealthy and I'm well aware of the health risks, the serious risks of not resting one's body. I try to sleep, but to no avail and laying in bed only wakes me up more. Usually I'll do something until I feel myself fading and then quickly jump into bed. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. In the summer I went for walks and that occasionally helped, but the cold winter air usually refreshes me so I've stopped. I'll find something, but who knows.
This gets me back to the subject line. It drives me crazy when someone who normally gets eight or nine hours, has a stressor and only sleeps six and cries insomnia. I take it a little personal, because I remember those days. I remember sleeping like a log. I miss those days. I miss waking and seizing the day feeling on top of my game, both in body and mind. Now on those rare occasions I sleep more than four hours, I feel deflated. Insomnia has changed me chemically. People who sleep really don't get it. When you're biggest problem you've ever faced is what color Uggs to wear with your outfit, I don't expect you to understand insomnia. There was a time recently where I did sleep. Not long periods of time, but peacefully. The touch of another human being does wonders for your relaxation, although I'm sure she wouldn't agree, as I move around quite a bit in my sleep. Even then it was four, maybe five hours of peacefulness. The waking hours brought on stress, but certain things in your life have a calming affect. I remember years ago, sleeping for nine or ten hours and waking to an empty bed, breakfast waiting! Good times, but too short lived in retrospect.
I'll conquer my sleeping demons somehow. I always manage to survive that which knocks me down. I may not be able to beat it completely, but I'll adapt and make it a manageable problem. I may use pills, I may add some extra exercise to my routine and hopefully I'll find that special someone to put my arm around at night. Maybe all three. Either way, I'll get through it. It's not bad habits, it's insomnia. There is a difference. A huge difference. Sleep walk a mile in my slippers and you'll know.
A lot of people offer suggestions and they have worked, so I value them. The thing is, even with these, I sleep maybe five hours a night. Recently. I've actually felt my body breaking down. I've been suffering from some physical and mental issues, which have at times been a little scary. For someone who is of sane mind, to hallucinate due to fatigue is a scary thing. One morning recently, I started to doze and a noise woke me up. I looked at the ground and saw a bunch of cords that appeared to be snakes sliding across my floor. I rubbed my eyes and looked again and was sure they were snakes. I had to convince myself this was not the case and slowly they became cords again. I had not been drinking and this was quite scary. I finally fell asleep and woke up thinking I had slept for three or four hours. I looked at the clock and 13 minutes had past. I then couldn't fall asleep again for 26 hours.
The worst part of insomnia is you're never really tired, but your body is. My mind appears to be alert as ever, but I can feel the aches and pains in my body multiplying. I know it's unhealthy and I'm well aware of the health risks, the serious risks of not resting one's body. I try to sleep, but to no avail and laying in bed only wakes me up more. Usually I'll do something until I feel myself fading and then quickly jump into bed. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. In the summer I went for walks and that occasionally helped, but the cold winter air usually refreshes me so I've stopped. I'll find something, but who knows.
This gets me back to the subject line. It drives me crazy when someone who normally gets eight or nine hours, has a stressor and only sleeps six and cries insomnia. I take it a little personal, because I remember those days. I remember sleeping like a log. I miss those days. I miss waking and seizing the day feeling on top of my game, both in body and mind. Now on those rare occasions I sleep more than four hours, I feel deflated. Insomnia has changed me chemically. People who sleep really don't get it. When you're biggest problem you've ever faced is what color Uggs to wear with your outfit, I don't expect you to understand insomnia. There was a time recently where I did sleep. Not long periods of time, but peacefully. The touch of another human being does wonders for your relaxation, although I'm sure she wouldn't agree, as I move around quite a bit in my sleep. Even then it was four, maybe five hours of peacefulness. The waking hours brought on stress, but certain things in your life have a calming affect. I remember years ago, sleeping for nine or ten hours and waking to an empty bed, breakfast waiting! Good times, but too short lived in retrospect.
I'll conquer my sleeping demons somehow. I always manage to survive that which knocks me down. I may not be able to beat it completely, but I'll adapt and make it a manageable problem. I may use pills, I may add some extra exercise to my routine and hopefully I'll find that special someone to put my arm around at night. Maybe all three. Either way, I'll get through it. It's not bad habits, it's insomnia. There is a difference. A huge difference. Sleep walk a mile in my slippers and you'll know.
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