Day
4: Please and Thank You. Two phrases most of us use involuntarily. If we
want it we say please. If we receive it, thank you. So what's the
problem? Children! Before you start your "my kid always says" rant, let
me clue you in on something...no they don't. Just because your kid says
it when you scowl at them while they shove that cookie down their throat
at grandma's house, doesn't mean your parent-of-the-year trophy has been validated. Trust me, you failed.
I work with kids. Most of my friends work with kids. Most of my parents friends work with kids. You know what we do when kids act with maturity, class and respect? We tell the parents. Instructions, coaches and teachers crave those moments to praise a kid, because 99% of the time we're talking to parents of young children, it's to tell of a problem.
Last week and yesterday, I gave out lollipops. As I always do, I give them out on the last day and I make a mental tally. This year, I have them out to 42 kids and I received a fairly standard 10 thank yous. Ok, to be honest it was 9 thank yous and one I love you (from a five year old girl). As I dropped the kids off to the parents, I made sure to mention their thank yous and the pleasure it was having them, which of course turned into the other parents (sadly, not all) sending their kids over to say those difficult two words. I could see the parents of those I commended beaming with pride. Their kids embarrassed, just long enough to forget they were eating lollipops, but it mattered.
Unless you're hearing stories of your child's manners from those that don't know you or who have nothing to gain from praising your parental skills, assume your angel is like most kids and not doing it right. That 20% rate is standard. It used to be 36-40% when I started 20+ years ago and it was 75-80% when I was a kid or we had the lollipops returned.
Manners, courtesy and respect start in the home. Beating and berating your child doesn't instill these qualities, it actually makes a child flee authority. Teaching that it's proper is what does. Of the ten children who thanked me this year, two were Indian, three were Japanese, one German, one was Iranian and ones mother is from France. Two of the of the 42 were born here and had parents who were born here. Maybe all these countries we mock are succeeding in an area we are failing miserably. #100DaysOfHopper
Day 5: If you have a problem, I mean a real problem, Facebook is not the place to seek help. Facebook is about as good a place to find help as a Kew Gardens neighborhood in 1964. Much like Kitty's neighbors, many will see your distress signal, but most won't react. The bystander effect kicks in for most when someone posts their woes. When someone says they feel alone, useless, depressed, etc. The normal reaction is to reach out, but on Facebook it's completely normal to ignore such cries. The reason being is that there are so many attention whores amongst us, it's difficult to find truth in posts.
I have somewhere in the neighborhood of 600 Facebook friends and I have six or seven who post these devastating cries for help at least three to four times a week. Ironically, the other days, they are the happiest people on the planet. If one is to believe that every post is true, these people would be diagnosed with bipolar disorder or possibly schizophrenia. People's moods, when normal and well, simply don't change this often. This isn't my opinion, it's science. We all have woes and vent or rant and that is healthy. What isn't healthy is daily despair, because chances are, it isn't real. Money, relationships, illness and other stressors plague us all. Before Facebook we handled it and when we needed help, we called a friend or family member and they did their best. Facebook isn't going to be that loyal.
As someone who has grown tired of reaching out to attention seekers, only to find their woes are manufactured for the purpose of boosting some sick esteem issue, I think it needs to stop. The reason? Because every once in a while, someone feels alone and really needs that "stranger" to lend an ear or shoulder and it would be a shame if the person who was ready to give up was ignored, because you felt unappreciated by your teenager one afternoon. #100DaysOfHopper
I work with kids. Most of my friends work with kids. Most of my parents friends work with kids. You know what we do when kids act with maturity, class and respect? We tell the parents. Instructions, coaches and teachers crave those moments to praise a kid, because 99% of the time we're talking to parents of young children, it's to tell of a problem.
Last week and yesterday, I gave out lollipops. As I always do, I give them out on the last day and I make a mental tally. This year, I have them out to 42 kids and I received a fairly standard 10 thank yous. Ok, to be honest it was 9 thank yous and one I love you (from a five year old girl). As I dropped the kids off to the parents, I made sure to mention their thank yous and the pleasure it was having them, which of course turned into the other parents (sadly, not all) sending their kids over to say those difficult two words. I could see the parents of those I commended beaming with pride. Their kids embarrassed, just long enough to forget they were eating lollipops, but it mattered.
Unless you're hearing stories of your child's manners from those that don't know you or who have nothing to gain from praising your parental skills, assume your angel is like most kids and not doing it right. That 20% rate is standard. It used to be 36-40% when I started 20+ years ago and it was 75-80% when I was a kid or we had the lollipops returned.
Manners, courtesy and respect start in the home. Beating and berating your child doesn't instill these qualities, it actually makes a child flee authority. Teaching that it's proper is what does. Of the ten children who thanked me this year, two were Indian, three were Japanese, one German, one was Iranian and ones mother is from France. Two of the of the 42 were born here and had parents who were born here. Maybe all these countries we mock are succeeding in an area we are failing miserably. #100DaysOfHopper
Day 5: If you have a problem, I mean a real problem, Facebook is not the place to seek help. Facebook is about as good a place to find help as a Kew Gardens neighborhood in 1964. Much like Kitty's neighbors, many will see your distress signal, but most won't react. The bystander effect kicks in for most when someone posts their woes. When someone says they feel alone, useless, depressed, etc. The normal reaction is to reach out, but on Facebook it's completely normal to ignore such cries. The reason being is that there are so many attention whores amongst us, it's difficult to find truth in posts.
I have somewhere in the neighborhood of 600 Facebook friends and I have six or seven who post these devastating cries for help at least three to four times a week. Ironically, the other days, they are the happiest people on the planet. If one is to believe that every post is true, these people would be diagnosed with bipolar disorder or possibly schizophrenia. People's moods, when normal and well, simply don't change this often. This isn't my opinion, it's science. We all have woes and vent or rant and that is healthy. What isn't healthy is daily despair, because chances are, it isn't real. Money, relationships, illness and other stressors plague us all. Before Facebook we handled it and when we needed help, we called a friend or family member and they did their best. Facebook isn't going to be that loyal.
As someone who has grown tired of reaching out to attention seekers, only to find their woes are manufactured for the purpose of boosting some sick esteem issue, I think it needs to stop. The reason? Because every once in a while, someone feels alone and really needs that "stranger" to lend an ear or shoulder and it would be a shame if the person who was ready to give up was ignored, because you felt unappreciated by your teenager one afternoon. #100DaysOfHopper
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