I moved in 1985 and I stayed in touch with nobody. I'm not blaming anyone, because I'm the one that moved and it was on me to keep those relationships alive. I reconnected with a few on Facebook, but that is it.
I've spent a lot of time in Ithaca over the last four years. Much of it spending time with my aging grandmother, but also, because my father is one of the few people in the world who I enjoy spending long periods of time with. Over the years, he and my grandmother have taught me a lot about the world, myself and how people act within it. Over the last few, I've grown a lot as a person mentally, but I've grown apart from relationships and friendships and I see that today more than ever.
The past ten days I've been in Ithaca and my birthday passed, while I was here. It dawned on me the morning after, that while I received plenty of wishes via Facebook, I only received about ten texts and not a single phone call. Not one. I'm not losing any sleep over this, as I too tend to text rather than use the phone for it's first use, but it really started to sink in today. I've received five phone calls from friends in the last three months. Five!
The problem isn't fading friendships due to any reason, but my knack of distancing myself from people, either physically or metaphorically. I don't want to burden others with my ever growing problems, although a few have been inadvertently and they seem to rebuke my sincere apologies. My life has been very complicated as of late and aside from those I tend to run into, I've let many float away. I don't plan on changing this, as my problems are not about to disappear and may only become more of a burden for me and I don't feel, like most others, to share that additional weight. The future is not looking bright and grand changes may be on the very close horizon. I guess, then I'll know what I've wondered since 1985, but with a new group of people. I won't kid myself, I already know.
I've spent a lot of time in Ithaca over the last four years. Much of it spending time with my aging grandmother, but also, because my father is one of the few people in the world who I enjoy spending long periods of time with. Over the years, he and my grandmother have taught me a lot about the world, myself and how people act within it. Over the last few, I've grown a lot as a person mentally, but I've grown apart from relationships and friendships and I see that today more than ever.
The past ten days I've been in Ithaca and my birthday passed, while I was here. It dawned on me the morning after, that while I received plenty of wishes via Facebook, I only received about ten texts and not a single phone call. Not one. I'm not losing any sleep over this, as I too tend to text rather than use the phone for it's first use, but it really started to sink in today. I've received five phone calls from friends in the last three months. Five!
The problem isn't fading friendships due to any reason, but my knack of distancing myself from people, either physically or metaphorically. I don't want to burden others with my ever growing problems, although a few have been inadvertently and they seem to rebuke my sincere apologies. My life has been very complicated as of late and aside from those I tend to run into, I've let many float away. I don't plan on changing this, as my problems are not about to disappear and may only become more of a burden for me and I don't feel, like most others, to share that additional weight. The future is not looking bright and grand changes may be on the very close horizon. I guess, then I'll know what I've wondered since 1985, but with a new group of people. I won't kid myself, I already know.
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