Late night searches. Trying to start over in some ways, but searching my past. Old friends, teachers, streets with names and some without. Looking for parks I sat in, sipping 40s like I was a big shot. Always striving to be older than I was, but none the wiser. Even know, it seems like the wisdom I've gained from all these years, is useless for what I need. I can give advice with the best of them, but here I am, sitting in the fifth hour of these new day, looking for old comforts. The Brooklyn promenade, a tiny park on a residential street or the fence we called a home run. Things change and so much opportunity is lost of which we're not to speak of. A teacher's embrace on the last day of school, wishing me luck, never knowing I didn't believe in it and it never arrived. Maybe luck is our god and without faith in good luck, we're destined to have bad. Maybe it's 4:23 and it's time for bed. Would have been nice to see Jenny one last time. That nervous laugh, then a flick of her hair; her long neck and pale skin as I sat nervously, just waiting for her to look again, then hiding my face, as if my fear was visible. Failed promises made in 1983, coming back to life three quarters of a life later. Reminding me so much of what could of been, not with her, but with me. Circling the stone track of Cadmen Plaza around and around, even then, always ending up in the same sport, until the spot was taken away. No, I left and turned my back. One more lap?
Most people I know do not care about knowing the truth or facts, they only care about being the one who passes along information. I wonder if I could privately ask people why they use social media (honestly), what their reason would be. I don't think people without a sense of humor, realize how much fun the world can be. Even during the hard times. So many of us spend time thinking of mistakes and regrets, but if we really think about it, we've probably dodged more bullets than missed boats. You know when you sit by yourself reading, sipping some coffee or tea and you don't think about anything, but what you're doing? That!
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