I started this blog with the hopes to be funny. It's turned into a self-help guide for me. Ironically, it's at times caused me pain, due to my openness. Not everyone appreciates being part of my open-book policy. I'm still learning. Today, as I was walking from the office of the Department of Labor over to the IRS building, I was thinking about how I so badly want to write a funny blog. One that gets back to the old me. I'm not the old me. Well at least not the last three days. Maybe even longer. I've become sullen. I've become obsessed with being happy, but not sure how to find it. I've turned a corner this week and I'm trying hard. The not drinking is the easy part. I don't normally go out Tuesday and Wednesday's anyway, so that isn't tough. The loneliness is what is hard. What I've lost over the last month is the rough part. So how can I be funny? I'll have to find a way.
I stopped at McDonald's and thought, while the disease isn't funny, I couldn't remember the last time I walked into one and didn't see someone with osteoporosis. Now I'm not doctor, but I'm sure a steady diet of Big Mac's isn't going to do wonders for the bones. Maybe there is a link. It also dawned on me from the counter person's reaction, that I was the first person to walk in there in a long time and not know what wanted or get a drink to go with my meal. I don't really like soda.
So I left and started my trek to the bus stop. I wasn't exactly sure where it was, but started that walk anyway. As I got about a half mile into it, I noticed that a lot of people were giving me looks. I got a little sensitive about it, because it was a nice 72 degree day and I sweat in the shower. I was wearing a dark grey shirt and the sweat was starting to show. That wasn't it though. I wiped my brow and noticed someone staring at my chest. The reason became clear. I have an odd trait that gets accentuated when I'm walking. I sweat, but my nipples become erect. Everyone always points this out to me, so I glanced in a mirror and confirmed the reason for the stares. You could hang a towel on those bad boys. Not enough for an entire blog, but pretty amusing.
Today I crossed four more things off my list. Two were for me, so not as productive as yesterday. I also napped for about two hours. So my current sleep total is six and half hours over 70 hours. Funny thing is I'm not even remotely tired. What I am is a little run down. I found out a friend's father died today. He was a good guy. Someone I didn't see often, but liked a lot. The last time I saw him was last August. He'll be missed. The Yankees won two today and I think it was for him. I got some other disturbing news, but it's not something I should know. As usual it's cancer. This followed up a friends sad day of visiting someone in the hospital. We can't escape this disease. We just have to live our lives to the fullest while we're here. I am trying, but don't want to do it alone.
So today, while I tried to get over some sadness and loneliness, I decided to treat myself to some junk(ier) food. Breakfast was an odd choice, especially at 8am. I made a BLT salad and added red onion and cheddar. Topped it with bleu cheese dressing and drank a tall glass of water. For lunch I had 20 chicken McNuggets with two little cups of sauce. I had a snack of a small container of cottage cheese. I wanted to have Chinese food for dinner, but was hoping to share it with someone. It's been a pattern. It wasn't to be and my mind wasn't into eating alone. I have to say, the best part about being with someone is sharing meals. OK, that and waking up next to them. So for dinner I went to the gas station. I bought milk and coffee and then got myself a truck stopper cheeseburger. I knew it would suck, so I made some bacon, sliced some tomato, onion and lettuce and topped it with Sriracha and mayo. It was actually really good. I wasn't done. I really went overboard and got one of those yellow double Hostess cupcakes. Man are they awful, but in a great way. I don't do desserts, but today I needed something for me. Washed down with two mugs of coffee and I was in junk food bliss.
So here's my wrap-up. I'm getting by and trying to be myself. I've spent almost every second since Sunday night by myself. I know I have to get out and see some friends. They'll all be at the bar. I wanted to share a meal with someone, but they are one of the people I hurt this weekend and before, so I knew it wouldn't happen. I need to spend some time with people this weekend. it'll be a minor test. The problem for me isn't the drinking, it's making up for the pasts sins. It's confronting people and apologizing for things I don't remember doing. I also don't want to make any of the same mistakes sober that I made drunk. I was told to give people time. I want to make it right immediately. I want thinks like they were on the good days. I have to wait. Something about waiting isn't funny. Is it?
I stopped at McDonald's and thought, while the disease isn't funny, I couldn't remember the last time I walked into one and didn't see someone with osteoporosis. Now I'm not doctor, but I'm sure a steady diet of Big Mac's isn't going to do wonders for the bones. Maybe there is a link. It also dawned on me from the counter person's reaction, that I was the first person to walk in there in a long time and not know what wanted or get a drink to go with my meal. I don't really like soda.
So I left and started my trek to the bus stop. I wasn't exactly sure where it was, but started that walk anyway. As I got about a half mile into it, I noticed that a lot of people were giving me looks. I got a little sensitive about it, because it was a nice 72 degree day and I sweat in the shower. I was wearing a dark grey shirt and the sweat was starting to show. That wasn't it though. I wiped my brow and noticed someone staring at my chest. The reason became clear. I have an odd trait that gets accentuated when I'm walking. I sweat, but my nipples become erect. Everyone always points this out to me, so I glanced in a mirror and confirmed the reason for the stares. You could hang a towel on those bad boys. Not enough for an entire blog, but pretty amusing.
Today I crossed four more things off my list. Two were for me, so not as productive as yesterday. I also napped for about two hours. So my current sleep total is six and half hours over 70 hours. Funny thing is I'm not even remotely tired. What I am is a little run down. I found out a friend's father died today. He was a good guy. Someone I didn't see often, but liked a lot. The last time I saw him was last August. He'll be missed. The Yankees won two today and I think it was for him. I got some other disturbing news, but it's not something I should know. As usual it's cancer. This followed up a friends sad day of visiting someone in the hospital. We can't escape this disease. We just have to live our lives to the fullest while we're here. I am trying, but don't want to do it alone.
So today, while I tried to get over some sadness and loneliness, I decided to treat myself to some junk(ier) food. Breakfast was an odd choice, especially at 8am. I made a BLT salad and added red onion and cheddar. Topped it with bleu cheese dressing and drank a tall glass of water. For lunch I had 20 chicken McNuggets with two little cups of sauce. I had a snack of a small container of cottage cheese. I wanted to have Chinese food for dinner, but was hoping to share it with someone. It's been a pattern. It wasn't to be and my mind wasn't into eating alone. I have to say, the best part about being with someone is sharing meals. OK, that and waking up next to them. So for dinner I went to the gas station. I bought milk and coffee and then got myself a truck stopper cheeseburger. I knew it would suck, so I made some bacon, sliced some tomato, onion and lettuce and topped it with Sriracha and mayo. It was actually really good. I wasn't done. I really went overboard and got one of those yellow double Hostess cupcakes. Man are they awful, but in a great way. I don't do desserts, but today I needed something for me. Washed down with two mugs of coffee and I was in junk food bliss.
So here's my wrap-up. I'm getting by and trying to be myself. I've spent almost every second since Sunday night by myself. I know I have to get out and see some friends. They'll all be at the bar. I wanted to share a meal with someone, but they are one of the people I hurt this weekend and before, so I knew it wouldn't happen. I need to spend some time with people this weekend. it'll be a minor test. The problem for me isn't the drinking, it's making up for the pasts sins. It's confronting people and apologizing for things I don't remember doing. I also don't want to make any of the same mistakes sober that I made drunk. I was told to give people time. I want to make it right immediately. I want thinks like they were on the good days. I have to wait. Something about waiting isn't funny. Is it?
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