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Another Week In Ithaca

Last Friday I mentioned on Facebook how little I enjoyed the bus ride up here. I left 50 degree weather to enter into a 26 degree night. The cold doesn't bother me, it's the frigid dankness.  The air always has that feel to it. The surrounding lakes give that vibe that it's always two seconds away from rain or snow.  The air at times feels even heavy.  That being said, this place is usually a time for me to relax and recharge the batteries. This time around, it was not to be.

My stay was affected by a serious lack of sleep.  Between night time sleep and naps, I was able to muster about 20 hours while her, plus whatever I get tonight.  I have my alarm set for 5 hours from now, but I'm not even tired.  It's taken it's toll and I do feel a little run down.

Thanfully, I was able to recharge my good eating battery.  The trip started out with a thid, as my father had leftovers of the pot roast he made. Not that he made it poorly, but pot roast is one of my least favorite foods.  This however was followed by ravioli puttanesca, roasted duck, quiche, spiral ham, butter sauteed scallops, shrimp and pasta and a variety of gourmet cheese, not to mention some delicious sides.  The food was one of the highlights of the trip, as it always is.

Seeing my grandmother was the best.  She wasn't feeling too well for a part of the trip and she's actually having surgery in a few hours.  Minor they say, but at 98, we can only hope for the best.  I was going to offer to stay, but to offer might give her the impression it was more serious than it is and she is in a solid frame of mind.  She told funny stories, as usual, and some multiple times.  She made me realize that I definitely take life too seriously, as she always does, but it's hard when there is nobody around to enforce it.  She can't figure out why I don't have a girlfriend, but then again, she only has to deal with me a few hours a day.  She makes me feel special and tonight, as I was taking off her nail polish, she said "if that's the last thing I remember, at least I'll remember I was with you."  Don't think you can have a better compliment.  She's doesn't have much time left, I don't think, but I'm gonna make sure to talk to her whenever I can.  She's 99 on Groundhog's Day and in some ways, you have to imagine, her life resembles the movie.

I connected briefly with old friends, important friends and new friends while I was away.  I spoke with my brother about his two years later honeymoon and things are going well. I saw my cousin and her daughters. Somewhat sad that they don't really know me, because they really seem like great kids, but that's the life I've chosen. I'm glad my father and grandmother have them and their family.  Family has always been important to me, but immediate family only.  It's the way I live.  I can't be caught up in the politics of cousins, aunts and uncles.  I hear the horror stories of other families and I've seen it in my own.  I'll pass.

I'm getting on a bis in five and a half hours and I'm looking forward to the future.  I want to try and connect with a new friend, connect with an old friend and keep those important to me close in 2012.  I'm making my inner circle much smaller in this coming year and it's to protect me.  I've been hurt a lot over the last two plus years and I don't intend on letting it happen again.  I want to find someone who I can have fun with and care for.  I want the same in return.  I'm not looking for anything else, no delusions of grandeur, not white picket fence and 2.2 kids.  I just want to be happy.  It's always been the little things that do that for me and I don't think that will change.

On Christmas morning, I was messaging back and forth with a woman I think is absolutely wonderful.  She's sexy, hilarious and smart.  She's sincere and she's caring. She was going through her own things, but seemed more concerned with saying hi.  I couldn't have appreciated it more and it meant a lot.  I sent a lot of messages out to long time friends that weren't returned.  I won't lie it hurt.  I did forget some people, some even important peope myself and i feel terrible. They know i care, but I still feel bad.

I'm getting on a bus in a few hours and i'm thinking about new beginnings.  I'm thinking about making new friends, solidifying the friendships I have and keeping those who I can't feel comfortable with at bay.  At least on an emotional level.  I'm going to make resolutions this year and I'm going to do my best to achieve them.  I'm going to try and be a better person and I hope in doing so, I earn enough respect that others will treat me better.  I can try and I can hope.  I have to remember, I can only control my own actions and feelings.  This is something I need to always keep in mind.  My inability to understand this hgs always been my downfall.  Not this year.  At least for now.

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