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Ten Things I'm Thinking About Right Now: Holiday Version

I am already going to hell. 

1. I haven't heard one Kwanzaa song yet.

2.  Hanging out with a 98-year-old telling past Christmas stories must be like hanging out with me on a Saturday night. You're guaranteed to hear the same story multiple times and with different outcomes.  Plus, I like to doze off mid thought.

3.  Can you imagine any Jewish person during the high holy days going into a store and saying "How much does the CHALLAH COST?"  I apologize to my mother for that one.

4.  How did Jesus become Santa, his disciples become Reindeer and Pontius Pilate become the Grinch?

5.  I have never seen a menorah tied to the roof of a car.

6.  Whenever I see girls dressed really slutty right after Christmas, it always makes me think what their father's were thinking while they were opening presents.

7.  You ever notice how much joy drunk adults get by tackling a snowman?  Kinda fucked up being they know kids made it.

8.  I think the most epic moment of anyone's life would be to wake up from a one night stand and realize you're at some strangers house and it's Christmas morning and their whole family is there.

9.  Christmas morning when you're in a relationship is great, because you know if you got the right gift, you're getting great sex.  Then you spend the entire day eating and drinking and fall asleep.  And the hundreds of dollars you spent went to waste, because your girlfriend or boyfriend is mad at you.

10.  If Jesus really hated Jews, wouldn't he blow out the candles for his birthday (and laugh).


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