Skip to main content

Ten Things I'm Thinking About Right Now: Holiday Version

I am already going to hell. 

1. I haven't heard one Kwanzaa song yet.

2.  Hanging out with a 98-year-old telling past Christmas stories must be like hanging out with me on a Saturday night. You're guaranteed to hear the same story multiple times and with different outcomes.  Plus, I like to doze off mid thought.

3.  Can you imagine any Jewish person during the high holy days going into a store and saying "How much does the CHALLAH COST?"  I apologize to my mother for that one.

4.  How did Jesus become Santa, his disciples become Reindeer and Pontius Pilate become the Grinch?

5.  I have never seen a menorah tied to the roof of a car.

6.  Whenever I see girls dressed really slutty right after Christmas, it always makes me think what their father's were thinking while they were opening presents.

7.  You ever notice how much joy drunk adults get by tackling a snowman?  Kinda fucked up being they know kids made it.

8.  I think the most epic moment of anyone's life would be to wake up from a one night stand and realize you're at some strangers house and it's Christmas morning and their whole family is there.

9.  Christmas morning when you're in a relationship is great, because you know if you got the right gift, you're getting great sex.  Then you spend the entire day eating and drinking and fall asleep.  And the hundreds of dollars you spent went to waste, because your girlfriend or boyfriend is mad at you.

10.  If Jesus really hated Jews, wouldn't he blow out the candles for his birthday (and laugh).


Popular posts from this blog

11 Rules of Life - Bill Gates?

I read this on Facebook this morning.  A friend had posted it and said that every child should have to receive this. I of course read it and started to think.  I immediately wondered who really wrote this, as I rarely see things like this attributed to the proper person.  I immediately found it was written by Conservative Charles J. Sykes when he wrote a book about how America is dumbing down our youth.  I read it twice and started to wonder how true it was.  Below is a link to the actual picture I saw.

So let's look at each of the rules and analyze them.

Rule 1: Life is not fair — get used to it! - Life is not fair in that we are not all afforded the same opportunities based on race, creed, color, socio-economic background, but in general, those who are afforded the same opportunities to succeed are very often rewarded for their individual efforts.  Sure there may be underlying circumstances, but hard work is proven to pay more often than not and those who strive for success, migh…

Out Of Options

Two winters ago, I was in a bad place. Physically, financially, but especially emotionally. Life, which has rarely been anything I could view as fair, had really begun to weigh me down. I was living in a motel room, paid for by my brother while awaiting a move to another state. A little late research revealed my soon-to-be new home was a bit of a nightmare. Think of Melrose Place with meth and hookers. The idea of flying halfway across the country with my cat, Swag, and less than $200 in my pocket was scary. Leaving everything I knew wasn't what scared me, it was knowing deep in my heart, I'd never return. 
It's always easy to put off keeping up with people when you're close, but as I've learned over the last four years, distance tests friendships, even those we view as true. One can't imagine the alienation of being broke, physically unable to walk, and having to rely on a motel staff's daily pleasantries to remind yourself you're alive. At times I que…

Has Anyone Seen Spring Breakers?

I've given up writing reviews for the most part, but this film has been baffled. It's either the biggest piece of crap or absolute genius, and to be completely honest, I'm not sure which.

I knew going in, that this was a Harmony Korine film, so I expected to be somewhat shocked, disturbed and even disgusted, but most of all, I knew I'd be mesmerized. I was. Korine's Gummo and Kids were the car wreck you can't look away from but also very human. Flawed people doing terribly flawed, if not horrible things, to themselves and to others. So I was prepared, and yet, I'm still confused about my own reaction.

James Franco's performance is the key because he gave us either the most ridiculously over-the-top character or the perfect caricature of the poor, white American Dream. At times, I'm not sure they aren't the same. His appeal is astonishing because, as you watch, you see it as make believe but it's no less bizarre than the evening news. His ang…