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At A Loss

I'm at a loss for words.  This, as you all know, is very rare for me.  I stayed home today and laid in bed watching football all day.  I have things bothering me that can be fixed and then some that can't.  I've been a little lax in working on those I can and spent way too much time on those I can't.  It's caused me a lot of stress recently and it's taking it's toll on me mentally. 

This week, I've had some good times and some bad.  I've laughed with people and yelled at others.  I've had some great conversations and some that weren't.  I've also spent a lot of time with people who have wanted me to be part of their holidays.  They have no idea how much that means to me.  I am torn, because it's the holidays and I feel like I should be with my family.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do.  I also want to spend part of the holiday with some people, who for various reasons, I can't.  This to has caused some unnecessary stress. I need to recognize that what I can not control should be taken with a grain of salt.  I need to get over these problems. I know it, but I can't forget about it.

Christmas, despite my lack of cheer, is important to me.  It was always a special time.  It was always spent with family and friends and will always be special.  It reminds me of my mother.  That always brings me down, but also makes me happy, because I remember the great times.  I have friends who have lost people dear to them this year and I will also think about them during the holidays.  It's those we love that makes this time of year special and difficult.  I'm sure no matter where I end up, it will be with special people.  That is important to me, because right now I'm at a loss.

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