No people, the X doesn't represent the number 10, but kudos if that's what you recognized it as. You will live long and prosper in the Roman Empire. What I'm talking about is how far we always look down the road. It's human nature to think ahead. It's called vision these days, but in reality, it's nothing more than pipe dreams in most cases. On my never ending bus trip, I thought about things have changed over the years. My values, my desires and especially my expectations.
At 10, I thought life was easy. School came easy to me and I knew I'd grow up to be a graduate from a wonderful Ivy League University and become a lawyer or some other high profile job. Not to brag, but back then I always believed the smartest person would be the most successful. That was childhood naivety.
At 15, I started wondering how I could kill my parents and not get caught. I wanted to rebel, but wasn't completely ready to give up mom's cooking and my allowance. I was an adolescent Stewie Griffen. Confused by my feelings. At this point I had left a school where I was one of the cool kids and entered a whole new world. Suburbia. Where being popular was based on who your parents hung out with. Your popularity was passed down like a family heirloom. You appreciated it, but weren't really sure what to do with it or why you had it. I saw myself as a psychologist during this time. Helping the less fortunate who weren't sure who they were. As I've found, those same people actually are the exact same people, just bigger and with more depressing lives. I was noticing girls and trying to fight my shyness. I didn't know what I wanted, but I knew who.
At 20, I was the shit. I was working outside, in pretty good shape, strong as an ox and doing OK with the ladies. It didn't matter what the future held. I was making more money than most my age and living life to the fullest. I figured I'd work outside the rest of my life, hopefully own my own business and kick back and play golf. I saw myself married in 5-10 years and probably having a kid.
At 25, I had my own business. A fledgling roofing company which in the first six months made just enough money to be on time with the rent and the bills and to put enough money to exist. I saw myself making this work, because I was determined. It was then I realized working with a partner doesn't work unless you're both on the same page. We split up soon after and I went back to school. I wanted to be a teacher. I also saw myself married with two kids in the next five years.
At 30, I decided school wasn't for me. At 22 credits short, this was probably a huge mistake. I was so close, but the reality was that I wasn't physically able to do it. Two torn ACL's hampered me so badly I couldn't even play sports. I still don't and the knees have grown progressively worse. I needed to reboot my life, but I knew I wanted to continue to work with kids. I saw myself starting some kind of children directed business, but wasn't sure what. It was then I got a job with a company that did just this. I also saw myself in a different light emotionally. I knew I'd make a great dad, but question my ability to be a good husband. This conflict made me wonder if I'd ever be either.
At 35, I wanted to branch out from the company I worked for. I got a job running the office for a friend's business and continues my school program. It was a win-win for everyone. I was making some money and enjoying the ability to work with kids. I was finally happy. I saw myself doing this for a while and was quite content. I really started to stray from the idea I'd ever be married. I wanted kids, but didn't want the wife.
At 40, I'm no longer with my full time job, but maintained my after school job. I've bounced around this year, but physical pain has caused me to give up one job and has kept me from even applying to others. I'm 40. Unemployed and looking not only for a paycheck, but for something I can be content with for the rest of my life. Unfortunately I chose a period in this country's history that is looking at this worst employment rates in history. The future brightness might have to rely on the sun crashing into the earth, because it's not looking good in any other way. I have somewhat given up on the girl of my dreams and would be glad to settle for the girl that doesn't drive me crazy. Even if that means no marriage and seeing them once or twice a week. I don't know what the future holds. I have some ideas, but don't have the money to back them. I have some dreams, but they seem to escape me. I have a vision and it's a simple on; that of survival.
I'm 45! We'll see in four years.
At 10, I thought life was easy. School came easy to me and I knew I'd grow up to be a graduate from a wonderful Ivy League University and become a lawyer or some other high profile job. Not to brag, but back then I always believed the smartest person would be the most successful. That was childhood naivety.
At 15, I started wondering how I could kill my parents and not get caught. I wanted to rebel, but wasn't completely ready to give up mom's cooking and my allowance. I was an adolescent Stewie Griffen. Confused by my feelings. At this point I had left a school where I was one of the cool kids and entered a whole new world. Suburbia. Where being popular was based on who your parents hung out with. Your popularity was passed down like a family heirloom. You appreciated it, but weren't really sure what to do with it or why you had it. I saw myself as a psychologist during this time. Helping the less fortunate who weren't sure who they were. As I've found, those same people actually are the exact same people, just bigger and with more depressing lives. I was noticing girls and trying to fight my shyness. I didn't know what I wanted, but I knew who.
At 20, I was the shit. I was working outside, in pretty good shape, strong as an ox and doing OK with the ladies. It didn't matter what the future held. I was making more money than most my age and living life to the fullest. I figured I'd work outside the rest of my life, hopefully own my own business and kick back and play golf. I saw myself married in 5-10 years and probably having a kid.
At 25, I had my own business. A fledgling roofing company which in the first six months made just enough money to be on time with the rent and the bills and to put enough money to exist. I saw myself making this work, because I was determined. It was then I realized working with a partner doesn't work unless you're both on the same page. We split up soon after and I went back to school. I wanted to be a teacher. I also saw myself married with two kids in the next five years.
At 30, I decided school wasn't for me. At 22 credits short, this was probably a huge mistake. I was so close, but the reality was that I wasn't physically able to do it. Two torn ACL's hampered me so badly I couldn't even play sports. I still don't and the knees have grown progressively worse. I needed to reboot my life, but I knew I wanted to continue to work with kids. I saw myself starting some kind of children directed business, but wasn't sure what. It was then I got a job with a company that did just this. I also saw myself in a different light emotionally. I knew I'd make a great dad, but question my ability to be a good husband. This conflict made me wonder if I'd ever be either.
At 35, I wanted to branch out from the company I worked for. I got a job running the office for a friend's business and continues my school program. It was a win-win for everyone. I was making some money and enjoying the ability to work with kids. I was finally happy. I saw myself doing this for a while and was quite content. I really started to stray from the idea I'd ever be married. I wanted kids, but didn't want the wife.
At 40, I'm no longer with my full time job, but maintained my after school job. I've bounced around this year, but physical pain has caused me to give up one job and has kept me from even applying to others. I'm 40. Unemployed and looking not only for a paycheck, but for something I can be content with for the rest of my life. Unfortunately I chose a period in this country's history that is looking at this worst employment rates in history. The future brightness might have to rely on the sun crashing into the earth, because it's not looking good in any other way. I have somewhat given up on the girl of my dreams and would be glad to settle for the girl that doesn't drive me crazy. Even if that means no marriage and seeing them once or twice a week. I don't know what the future holds. I have some ideas, but don't have the money to back them. I have some dreams, but they seem to escape me. I have a vision and it's a simple on; that of survival.
I'm 45! We'll see in four years.
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